We’re All Here for the Very Same Reason.

Subutex Dependency

No one can find the rewind button.  Most addicts were emotionally abused as children YET they have no idea what emotional abuse even looks like.  Therapy works and so do the 12 steps if done deep, deep.    Breath friends, just breath. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Step One-I am powerless over dark entities, fear, demons without God’s armor and guidance/help. I can do all things through Jesus who strengthens me and keeps me sane. Father I ask this today and every day, “let me not be deceived”.

Solution-Step Eleven meditation daily repetitive reminders to self.

1. GOD’S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME & YOU.
2. I have no right to condemn myself nor is self condemnation one of the 12 steps.
3. Move a muscle change a thought.  You will get stronger by resistance to thoughts.
4. My Guides say humans were neither created for nor could they handle being perfect.  Perfection leads to ungodly false pride where men think they do not need God.  A relationship with God means also to rely on God.
5. I had an open vision of Jesus just before a deliverance from near powerless relapse.  At that time I asked God to save me from not just the darkness but also from myself.  He said at that time “Because you have asked I will also save you from yourself”.  To see the whole vision go here.

I Willingly Put Myself Back Into The Battle

After 11 years of recovery (some years with no prescriptions others years with pain meds) blissful peace of mind and spiritual blessings I took a notion to get off my 7 year long Subutex script. Why?  I don’t trust the drug companies and feel like it may become unavailable and it’s a health risk.

I cut down by 75% with no problems except sweating and irritability with a very slow slow (we are talking a year detox with 1/4 pill (2mg) reductions at a time).  It’s been a year and I am still experiencing anger though I have learned long ago not to project it upon those I love and I learned communication skills in the first seven years of recovery.  Fourth step and communication skills are vital to a peaceful life in recovery.  Otherwise codependency is the pattern of the masses of addicts and .

The Addict Mind Resurfaced

I found myself beating my self up for not succeeding totally even though I am on 70-75% less than I was.  I want off the drug all the way but I fear the change.  So I saw myself as a failure again.  I may need to return to meetings because when one goes to battle it helps to have fellow warriors around us.  Uhg!  Yes I went to a meeting, they like me and want me back.  I felt like one of.  It’s the inertia (weight of a habit) of being a homebody that I think keeps me from regular meetings at the point also I have not made a decision to return.

“If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
‘Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them,”