Dealing With The Web Of Jealousy



There are different kinds of jealousy.  Jealousy is definitely the sister of envy which is one of the seven deadly sins.  Sometimes jealousy is closely connected to vanity and low self-esteem issues.   I want to be beautiful like that model.   Jealousy also fits into control issues and fear of loss especially when we are talking about a sexual partner who may be interacting with someone beautiful.  We want to control our man’s behavior!  How could he be so inconsiderate to talk to that B****!

How about now we tell him he can never do that again!  It was disrespectful and blatantly wrong we think.   Ouch!  The fears that drive jealousy are horribly painful.  It is not our fault that fear crops up in us.  We were taught at a very young age weather or not we are beautiful, intelligent, desirable, and of much worth.   Most alcoholics were taught that we are just plain bad, wrong, ugly, even gross or disgusting.  Our intellect knows that we are good but our heart is telling us different when we are in a state of jealousy.

Beating ourselves up for being jealous is counter productive.  Staying in denial about it will only cause us to blame and accuse someone to release the feeling.  Not to mention if we deny it, it will escalate.  We are much better off acknowledging our jealousy and working on solutions for it.


If it is a man that we fear losing because of a pretty woman then we say the serenity prayer, we admit to one person and God that we are having that feeling and ask God to remove our fears.  We ask God to remove our fear of loss and we repent for not trusting God as our soul  comforter and provider,   We should pray and meditate to put God before any human being.  This will keep us safe and secure.

When we practice step Eleven our faith is strengthened and we put our eggs of security in the right basket per-say.    If we have a resentment attached to the jealousy we do a fourth and fifth step.  We revisit our third step as to remember that we have turned our life and our will over to the care of God.  We humans cannot take our hearts out of our chests and wash them clean of sin and debauchery.

So it seems we are at the mercy of the creator who will help us if we ask, this I know from experience.  If we have not worked the steps from the Big Book with a sponsor it is high time we did.   Doing so will alleviate many of our character flaws.  Peace of mind will follow our work with the steps if we do it thoroughly and honestly.