If I knew I would die in the next month or two how would I live my life?  Would I finally be able to let go of the nagging shame that has followed me around since I realized I am bad.  Would the thought of impending death cushion the guilt of a life lived below its true ability.  Or would I drop even deeper into the abyss of shoulda, coulda, woulda?

Would I feel a release emotionally reasoning out that I would finally get the punishment that my soul dictates I should endure?  I ask myself is it really better to be self-aware or would it be just fine to stay in denial of such things as shame and guilt or the feeling of inferiority.

Well I surely question weather this life is a blessing or a curse but I have found it is both.  So many ideals I wish to put in the boxes of either good or bad yet… I say yet most things are either both or neither.  Some things just are.  Like death for instance…

Is death bad?  We certainly see it as such.  But it just is and if it had to be placed in one of these boxes it would be in the “good” box because death enables our soul to move on to the next more aware existence.  If we hinder death we hinder our own progress.  If we hinder death we hinder life itself.

If I was aware of my impending death I think I would get off my butt, get out of this box I call the internet (which I love by the way and may be teetering on computer addiction) and be near both nature and my loved ones.  FAIRIES