POWERFUL! MY GOD IS POWERFUL! A SINNERS VISION
I am a delivered drug addict;(means:rescued by a Higher Power, revived, awoken, set free from obsession and a reprobate mind, put on another path.) I was as devoted to drugs as any slave could be. Finding and seeking drugs was my primary purpose and I did most every demoralizing thing a woman can do to get money and drugs. What I did to myself was traumatic and devastated my emotions, my health, and my mental condition. My first deliverance came after a horrific run of drug and alcohol abuse that stopped when I was 27. Cocaine abuse was the straw that broke the camels back. When I sobered up, I was stricken with anxiety and panic attacks; I had suffered from hepatitis B at least two times and had scars on my arms from repeatedly injecting narcotics.
I said I was delivered when I was 27 from addictions. Not that I had the knowledge of how to stay sober or get sober for that matter. What I did have was enough desperation to start seeking God in churches, the Bible and anywhere I thought He might be hiding. The results of seeking God where a spiritual experience that produced a psychic change a drastic moral change and relief from panic attacks that have held out for a lifetime. I also attained effortless sobriety that lasted several years, every suffering addicts dream.
My wonderment for sober life began to ware thin. Things did not turn out the way I thought they would or should. I went through a divorce and when shit hit the fan, I had no coping skills and no sobriety tools. I started a long and gradual decent back to the Hell I was delivered from. Riddle with guilt shame resentment remorse and regret I barreled through life demanding from my enablers that they give me what I want or else.
I had felt the Love of eternity; I had witnessed the presence of the one true God. However, what I assumed was a permanent fix where sobriety was concerned was actually a great gift from my Loving savior that required some maintenance on my part to keep.
Ten years later, I found myself detoxing in the county jail off crack, methadone, xanex, nicotine and caffeine….I was a mess. I had begged God for years to re-deliver me from addictions and in one fell swoop of police officers handcuffs He had. I was frightening to look in the mirror and see a mouth full of rotten teeth, my pretty bubble butt had faded to near non-existent and my hair was like straw from nearly never eating.
I became desperate enough to be willing not only go to AA but also do anything they suggested. This time I wanted to STAY sober and I have for nearly five years. I have worked the program of AA diligently and enthusiastically. I have worked the program of AA joyfully. Nevertheless, recent circumstances threatened my sobriety unto the edge of doom.
Add in here another paragraph
Sexual abuse and relationship failing and moving back etc.
I went to church tonight not demanding in my heart that God give me a great miracle. I went to church tonight because I believed it was the “next right thing” for me to do.
I have been struggling and struggling with the desire to take pain pills for both physical and emotional pain. I was prescribed Percocet as treatment for pain I took it as prescribed. However, that legitimacy did not nullify Percocet’s ability to induct me gradually and progressivly into deep dark spiritual bondage. Obsession/compulsion soon overtook me and I was nearly physically dependant in spite of daily meetings, talking about it with my sponsor and support group and sharing about it in meetings.
Praise God, after a long day at the river I was exhausted from swimming and the sun when I received a phone call. The call was from my mother telling me my neighbor Geraldine was inviting me to church. My first response to mom was no I am very tired and plan on sleeping. Then I thought; I have been struggling, I am supposed to go to this service I just knew it. I quickly called Jerry back and told her I would be right over.
At the outdoors revival as soon as the music began my tears flowed. The preacher’s sermon was one of the best I have heard and applied to me all the way around. As soon as he finished he looked straight at me and called me to the front for zealous prayer.
His emotion was seriously enthusiastic or zealous.
I felt those rushing mighty winds that Apostle Paul speaks about in Acts 2:2. The mighty winds blew me back and my feet struggled to follow my body back so I would not go down. I was trying to catch my feat back to where my body was being pushed by these oh so powerful winds. My God, it was like being in the center of a hurricane, but I was merely standing in front of the preacher as he prayed over me. I knew that it was a good thing, but I was not going to fall backward like I had seen so many weak people do before in church dropping like flies on the floor of the alter. I must say I did second-guess all that “slain in the Spirit” stuff and I could not accept it happening to me. I must be in control of my body I thought.
In the mean time during all my thoughts and the great feelings, I was having a vision. It was me as a child of God. I appeared maybe six years old in a white dress with a blue ribbon around it as a belt. Jesus and I where twirling together, smiling and having beautiful fun. He picked me up and held me tight assuring me he would take care of me. I told Him but what of my adversary Satan? I asked Jesus. He is stalking me and throwing the worst obstacles in front of me that have caused by loss a pain I cannot bear. Then I looked up and there was that wiley devil moving toward me. Jesus then held his hand up, He gave Satan the hand and oh what power was behind that order for Satan to LEAVE ME ALONE! Then I looked up at Jesus and I was grateful and comforted. But still I had a certain deep seeded doubt. I told Jesus I believe you have and are now protecting me from Satan or “evile” BUTT, will you also save me from myself for I have been my own worst enemy?
He picked me up closer and said those so precious words to me. “Laura of Akron (my spirit name) I will save you from even yourself because you have asked.
Then I heard the preacher say as I still struggled to stand on my own two feet for the mighty spiritual wind, “Something is blocking you, something you won’t let go of”. Right then I knew I had better let that Mighty Wind have its way with me because I was not going to miss a blessing like that when it was there for the taking. These types of visitations from God in my experience do not come often. I let go got blown straight back to the soft floor. I didn’t feel any pain, I let go of my own footing my own control my own methods of fixing myself I gave up on self will at that moment Glory to God he helped me let go.
I have never cried so intensely in front of anyone as I did that sacred night. I have never ever been as intimate with Jesus as I was that sacred day. I saw myself as Jesus sees me and I am beautiful and I am special and I am protected and I am not alone. Selah________________________________________
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