“EXPECT DISTRUST YOU HAVE EARNED IT”.
So they tell us in rehab and so we know is true, but not only that. We are also learning to trust others all over again.
Trust is built by one fearless choice at a time, trust in ourselves, trust in others and trust in our Higher Power.
We came from a dark place where trust was very dangerous and led to betrayal. It’s absolutely natural that we would choose to NOT trust easily or anyone for that matter due to our pasts. But if we don’t trust we are keeping up emotional walls around our hearts so deep that they are at the level of our soul. These walls block not only betrayal but true Love. Being made aware of our trust issues while recovering from addiction gives us the courage to extend baby steps of trust in our fellows & Higher Power. We experiment with trust and reap the results.
It is a perfect beginning when we pray the third step prayer with faith and wait to see what God will do. Expectations of a perfect life is a set-up for a let-down. But as we make the right choices we watch how our Higher Power gives us just what we need.
We may feel something like this member when we start building new sober relationships: “I have chosen to begin trusting a man whom even now I know is only human. I have hope he will not betray this trust I have given. If he did, I would (presumably) have to feel the pain that would be nearly unbearable. I have made this choice cautiously and initially, fearfully.
She is so right, we do not know what the future holds, and watching people’s patterns of interaction with others gives us audience to how they will also treat us in spite of their self-advertisements.
Like the proverb Jesus spoke, if we are faithful in small things we will be trusted with big things. Regarding others trusting us…we have earned our distrust while living the addict life. Trust starts small, keeping a friends confidence, following up on commitments etc. They tell us in re-hab, “expect distrust; you have earned it.“ And we surely had. So we give our trust now cautiously and carefully. As for our old friends and family…well they may never trust us again we try to understand why. It is far better to understand than to be understood. Why? Because with understanding comes inner peace all we get is a little satisfaction when we are understood. On the comparison chart peace of mind has spiritual depth satisfaction is shallow and un-spiritual therefore not nearly as beneficial to us.
But the most important part of all this recovery-trust stuff is that without trust, “Love” pure and precious is stifled. When our caring for others has been betrayed we pull out our paper and pencil and ask: What did I learn? What is the life lesson? We allow ourselves to cry, we admit we have been hurt that way can trust and Love again this is our new emotional process it is healthy and does not shut out life____________________________________