Addiction: “Manage” by Chris Joubert

Recovery Farmhouse hopes to see more stories and insight from Chris Joubert in the near future.

Chris Joubert a recovered addict shares from his up and coming book on addiction and recovery.  He speaks and writes in a grounded and emotionally sober manner.  His tone seems to exude a certain peace and serenity as he shares on topics of spirituality, and the disease concept .

“I have to mention”, says Chris,  “I had a great mentor called Pastor Sophos Nissiotis, the founder of Noupoort Christian Care Centre. His understanding of addiction is unparalleled.”

Chris shared that The Noupoort Christian Care center has a very high 90% recovery rate.  The 90% recovery rate pales by comparison to an estimated 5% recovery rate hailed by Alcoholics Anonymous.  Like any grass roots Bible believing recovery center and ministry, the Noupoort Center has come under much scrutiny for its methods.  Chris stated that,

“Frontline ministry is not for the faint hearted and is always under attack. I was a staff member at NCCC for a couple years. I would need time to explain the extreme spiritual conflicts. NCCC still has a 90% plus success rate. This speaks for itself.”

If you consider addiction to be a spiritual malady, then it makes perfect sense to have a spiritual solution.

Chris Joubert is Group Admin of one of Facebook’s much appreciated and needed addiction recovery fellowship and sharing groups.  He has overcome the oppression of addiction by gaining spirituality.

By Chris Joubert

“The reason society is more focused on drug and alcohol addiction is because these addictions are less forgiving. Meaning, the consequences of these addictions are too serious to ignore or to minimize. They are chaotic and ultimately, life threatening.
The main question we might ask is why people get themselves into addiction predicaments. Many times it starts off with ignorance and/or social pressures and/or health issues. But then, why is it so hard to break free once we are hooked? We might argue that it has become a physical, chemical and/or habitual prospect. The question then might arise; why would someone who had been clean for a long time, go back to illicit drugs or alcohol, knowing what it will do to them, and their loved ones? Interestingly enough, should you present this question to any person in the relapse predicament, they will have many arguments and excuses but will eventually relent to admitting ‘I don’t know’. I think we are ready to admit and realize that there must be a silent force behind addiction, there must be! I have learned that anything that we do, that does not make sense to our natural thinking, and overwrites our logic and inelegance, is spiritual.
Secular ideas and strategies are based on physical consequences and observations; it is an attempt to fix the problem from the outside in, but actually, addiction must be fixed from the inside out. It is remarkably similar to an infection. We can say that addiction is an infection of the soul. In my experience ALL addictions pivots on these realities.
Since we are on the subject of infections, let us discover whether addiction is a disease. The popular notion these days is that addiction is a disease. Has this idea been given the necessary study and thought?
A disease, in its literal sense is a diagnosable condition with a physical cause. Having or being infected by a disease has nothing to do with choice whatsoever. Addiction is better defined as voluntary slavery. Disease serves best as a metaphor to addiction; it highlights the way we can feel controlled by something other than our own will. We can thus say that addiction is LIKE a disease and not be fooled by the general assertion that addiction IS a disease. The AA them self’s identifies that we need the help of a “higher power”.

Most, if not all addicts, describe their drug addiction as an intimate relationship with their drug of choice. This drug means everything to them. It is closer to them than
their own breath. They are ready to sacrifice anything and anybody for their next hit. There is no limit to what they will venture in order to support their addiction. Many institutions describe this relationship between the drug and the addict as a “Romeo and Juliet” phenomenon.”

Cunning and Baffling Addiction

THE BAFFLING PART OF ADDICTION EXPLAINED. How does an emotional pain morph into spiritual blindness and darkness that would cause a man to self destruct?
Clearing up the EMOTIONAL wreckage of the past makes us less vulnerable to actions of fear and hurt toward self and others. Confessing our greatest fear(s) DOES render them powerless over us. In this sense we ARE as sick as our secrets. Shame is the leverage of darkness. Yet “shame” is something humans seldom want to explore within themselves to irrigate it with light. Why? Because we are taught to never allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The deception is that if we expose our fear to the light people will use it against us. However it’s not the people that we need to be concerned with when it comes to fear. But rather the leverage of spiritual darkness in high places who exploit unconfessed shame. Every fourth step should include a shame and fear list that needs spoken out loud. The fear list should be repeated until it becomes a way of life to expose shame and fear to the light.

If you like this you may like Laura’s book “Paradise for the Hellbound”. It is not a typical Biblical text. And the book is not bent on social status quos. Read it free:

AA Juggernauts

Please try to apply this to yourself or it won’t do you any good.  Open your mind to free your identity.

Prayer and step three are a prerequisite to all recovery steps and exercises for guidance and direction, for revelation, and epiphany, for self awareness and cutting through the ego .
AA status quos are the AA Juggernauts  that can kill you.  We must allow ourselves to become vulnerable emotionally if we are going to heal.  We must not allow our intellect to stifle what our heart needs to say.  The AA Juggernaut is to follow socially acceptable rules during our recovery process.  By this we would cover up our heart and hide it from real recovery.

My recovery from addiction in short has been about me going through a process of courageous yet simple  action to gain the confidence to be who I really am.  By showing the world my truth of self I am being true to my own heart.  By being true to my own heart and accepting that I am a human being my chronic shame of self has dwindled to near nothing.  My shame is what put me in bondage and my shame is a result of what I was taught about myself as a child.  The wrongs I have done to other’s are in comparison minute details by the wayside of the real reasons for my guilt and shame.  Neither my wrongs or wrongs suffered should be ignored in my recovery process that leads to healing.

Could recovery really be about wrongs suffered?  ABSOLUTELY!  It’s just that, these wrongs happened so long ago we seldom realize or remember them.

I had to learn an emotional processes in and by me that enabled me to get-out the negative feelings from past, present, and fear of future so I don’t get myself sick all over again.  And so the poison that lived in my bowels and had taken on a life of their own have been expelled.  I screamed in my car many times to release endorphins and get out the pain and anger of my past.

Does this strange way of recovery mean I am not talking about the 12 step recovery and AA?  Not at all.  Steps eleven and twelve must be taken seriously and be on-going.  If we don’t build a  habit around sharing our story and telling “what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now” FROM OUR HEART we won’t build the confidence we need, nor will we process the fear and poison and shame living inside us.  Sharing our truth with a like minded and seemingly caring listener is vital to recovery.

Step Eleven meditation is what will reveal many of our core issues to us and bring up the body and mind memories from our original pain.  We should meditate for at least 30 Minutes every other day for years on end.  We also should have a way to allow our anger to escape.  Once we discover who has really hurt us the worst in childhood by teaching us that we are “lesser than” we must process that anger and hurt by writing.  We also process inner pain by harmless physical aggression therapy focused on that pain while “hitting the bag” per say.  If we don’t know our core issues and don’t focus on them during punching exercises we won’t be getting the poison out.  Focus is a big part of the physical exercise to expel our  demons.

A step four is very important so we become aware of the patterns of our character flaws.  Our character flaw patterns are our core level animal survival skills that are usually based in denial of self awareness.  Stuff like blame,  fault finding, criticalness, verbal abuse, name calling, dysfunctional sexual endeavours, drama,  condemnation of self, and deflection of responsibility, ego pumping, and putting others down to make us feel “good, better than” are our desperate attempt to fix what’s broken in us.  But since these C.D.’s are not authentic truths they don’t heal us.  They just deflect and distract our heart from the original pain.

Be aware there is a fine line between identifying a childhood abuser and dysfunctional blame/critisism.  Once we identify an abuser who taught us that we were second rate citizens.  One whom we trusted and loved, one whom told us we were bad, and wrong from the core we should write how they made us feel.  Write at least one “fuck you ” letter (do not send) to process our hurt and wrath.  Every time we get raging mad we should sit down and write some letter of wrath so we can see how we feel and think.  We don’t share these writings they should be brutal and full of rage.  The letters are most needed in our first and second years of recovery.  Sometimes it helps to burn them.  And at some point we should confront our original abuser and share how and what they made us feel and believe as children.  But we should avoid long bitch sessions and critical on-going condemnations except during physical focus exercises like beating the bag or beat the bed with plastic bat.

We share from our heart not from our place of war.   We say something like this to our abuser: “I was so convinced that I was inferior because of what you taught me about myself that I feared all people around me because they were better than me, so I thought.”  This is a healthy typical way to process in the I context.  Do not expect the abuser to fix you or even admit his wrongs EVER.  And don’t do the confrontation until all your other steps 1-12 have been done at least twice.  Find at least one person you can tell anything to and share your most intense fears after putting them on paper.  If the confidant invalidates your heart you must find another confidant who will say “I know just what your mean, I have felt that way too.”

Do you know that you think you are “bad”?  Do you realized that it’s not really your fault?  We were fed the realities about ourselves way before we ever hurt our first victim and committed our first crime. Our reason for deep pain is usually a broken heart which was incurred way before our first girlfriend or boyfriend dumped us.    Why do we defend ourselves relentlessly?  Because we believe in our heart of hearts that we are bad, wrong and inferior.  This perception can only be changed by action and a new way of life.  It is a hard truth to swallow because it goes against our false pride.

Many addicts will never see who they really are because their false pride won’t allow it.  They won’t do these exercises because they balk “socially unacceptable”.  The AA status quo does not support many of my recovery from addiction findings.

We still need to do thorough fourth steps and see our part in situations that we have hurt others.  We still must take responsibility for our own wrongs done.  But we must NOT neglect processing wrongs suffered because they are at the core of our original pain.  They are the “why” behind our addiction.  Why do I need to know the “why”?  Because if I don’t find the core issue behind my pain I will always walk with a poison splinter in my heart, infected, and seeping.  If I don’t address the core infection then I will always be one step away from the next big pain that begs the next drink.  This is the difference between needing meetings always and real healing recovery.  People who have recovered don’t generally need meetings but and they have no reason to want to drink and drug.  Their core pain has been healed and scarred over.  They don’t get depression or paralyzing anxiety anymore.

Often we want our parents to love us so badly that we blind ourselves to the horrible lies they taught us about ourselves.  It took me seven years sober for my worst core issue to finally surface about how deeply my own father broke my heart and fed me to the wolves.

How does a child excel when he is armed with the horrible lie that he is inferior to all people around him?  You did the best you knew how to survive  as an adolescent with a broken heart.  Get out a photo of yourself as a small child.  Look at it, the innocence, the beauty.   From now on when you see yourself remember THAT child still lives in you and needs to heal, she/he needs to be heard by you and others.  Identify the survival characters you have developed to survive emotionally.  Identify the one personality in your mind who is telling you “you’re bad, you’re wrong, your shit, you can’t do it, give up, don’t try, don’t tell anyone what you think or feel” and let that ego know during step eleven meditation that she/he is loved, and it will be okay.  She does not have to be afraid any more.

You have a choice.  You do not have to pick up today.  You can heal, you just need more information and clarity about who you are and why you drank.  There is a valid reason for every character defect you developed.  No one taught you how to emotionally nurture yourself.  Your parents had no idea how to nurture your emotions and self esteem.  They beat you down unknowingly (most likely).  Someone beat you down as a child, my friend, someone did.

God does not make junk.  Society has certain status quos that will kill you if you adhere your personality to them.  That includes AA status quos like, we are never afraid, if we fear it means we are not working a good program (total bullshit) see fear list fourth step for on-going fear solutions.  Or the status quos: we are not allowed to realize we were victims, or we are not allowed to explore wrongs done to us.  Or we are not allowed to cry or be sad.  Or we are not allowed to grieve unless someone dies around us.  People are so (subconsciously)  desperate in AA to process their pain they will grieve about a fellow who dies even though they didn’t even know the guy and could really care less. Why?  Because socially it’s the only time in AA we are allowed to grieve and share our pain openly without being bombarded with comments like, SELF PITY, or labeled some other character defect.  Emotions are not character flaws until someone gets hurt by them.

You have a right to do some grieving for your own reasons.  Your heart is free listen to it.  Do not be paralyzed by it but rather allow it to spring you into action.  THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF WILL SET YOU FREE.


Why Do Some Members Defensively Whitewash Alcoholics Anonymous?

Why Whitewash anything for that matter?

Definition of Whitewash:  To ignore any imperfection, shortcoming, or flaw.  To view a person, place, or thing, as flawless.

Addicts are not bad people trying to get good.  They are sick people trying to get well first and foremost.

In my interactions with various Facebook recovery groups I have noticed a pattern that emerges often in threads.  With diligence members cannot accept one tither of negative information in, about, or around their program of A.A.  And God forbid I make a remark about one of our founding fathers being wrong, making a mistake, or acting out in character defects.  Oh hell no!  The members scream from their hot keyboards as they spit and fume while rambling out their reaction to a perceived insult.

If in recovery you have grown past this mentality I commend you.  It’s far from easy to do so.  It takes excruciating, skin peeling, personal alchemy to come from being a defensive, low self worth human to a self confident, I am what God intended me to be, accepting, imperfect human.

So what then?  Everyone knows addicts are the kings of manipulations and ego puffing.  We all know that we are well versed in dishonest efforts made to get what we think we need.  Fending off the dreaded drug withdrawal we would go to many extreme measures to get money and drugs.

And oh what egos we have!  Why is it our egos are so fricking large?  Because the ego picks up where the broken heart leaves off.  Our hearts are broken because we have been taught that we are lesser people.  We were taught we were inferior children by some adult and we believed it.  Shame hurts so we must bury it.  We lack self esteem so for emotional survival sake our ego kicks in to save us from annihilation and suicide.

Does this mean we have not wronged others along the way?  No.  Am I negating a need for a fourth step. No this is another topic. I say we were told we were bad way before we wronged our first victim.  I say that usually and firstly we were victims and don’t usually know it.

We push ahead!  We know where to get our perks by god!  So the young and beautiful women and men dance forward using their looks as their tool of self worth.  Sex, sex, and more sex for control and manipulation.  Pressing on we twist our relationships into co dependent interactions where the one who convinces us we are beautiful wins the prize.  We are often attracted to the sickest person in a room of 1,000 addicts.  And if we don’t somehow stop the pattern then the older we get the blinder we get.  When our beauty fades our denial must grow stronger, we can’t take the implications emotionally so we deny, deny, deny.  And it’s not our fault.

We were simply never taught emotional skills that work.  And worse than that somebody taught us our healthy and natural emotional processes that work like grand emotional detox systems to keep our hearts clear and our heads free of dysfunctions were ALL WRONG.  You know the one’s, stuff like crying, and sharing feelings or screaming if we break our leg.  Ya those.  What happens when the emotional detox system is stunted?  We get sick.  It’s just that simple.  Addiction isn’t rocket science.  Blessed are those who never learned how NOT TO CRY.

But onward in the fight!  We hit the fairy tale phase of a relationship and we demand that it never ends.  And if it does by god it’s THEIR fault!  That son of a bitch, we say!  So we go from a whitewashed fairy tale (found my soul mate) type relationship into a deep dungeon of legal and binding restraining orders and assault and battery charges that put the dys in the function.  We experience brutal breakups.  Feelings of rejection and abandonment are our poison.  Why?  Because they scream at us this:  “You are worthless, ugly, you don’t matter, you’re not worth loving!”  This is the addicts plight.  This is our history.  But don’t tell an addict this, he will deny it all the way to the courthouse.

Addicts have one thing vastly in common.  Somewhere deep in their heart of hearts, they believe and fear that the world and everyone in it is better than them.    That is what is in their heart most likely because that’s what they were taught as children (which they likely don’t remember).  They/we also believe we have an audience who we must impress.  If we impress the audience THEN AND ONLY THEN we will be GOOD PEOPLE who are loved, if only for a minute.

When you start the day with an internal audience and the world revolves around your belly button you take on some serious burdens to keep up appearances.  After all the world is watching.  Right?  We must look good to the world.  We must not EVER let them know who and what we really are. (bad & wrong lower class humans).

So given all that we enter the program of AA to recover from alcohol and drugs.  There is one PRIMARY reason to numb ourselves emotionally.  That one reason is so we don’t feel ashamed.  We are so ashamed because we are LESSER THAN and wrong.  Oh did I already say that, sorry.  We also feel like nobody listens (because our words have little value and we are terrible listeners usually, when still using) so we tend to repeat ourselves.  Going through life with fear dominating our actions you’re damn right we get dysfunctional.

Our false identity (ego) attaches us to any person place or thing we commit ourself to.     So we must white-wash these people and programs because if they (AA) are not perfect to our inner and outer audience it is a direct reflection on us and not in a good way.  IF AA ISN’T REGARDED AS PERFECT THEN IT’S AN INSULT TO US because we have wrapped up our false and only self worth into it.

Say Bill W. missed a few things in his writings OMG!  Oh No that’s an insult to me, I say!

Say that people take advantage of other people in AA.  Oh no!  That’s an insult to me personally.  All AA’s are perfect right?

They whitewash AA because their reputation and ego depends on it.

Solution:  Grow real self worth by working hard at step 12 and the rest.  AA has a splendid platform for building new self worth by step 12 (if we work the rest of the steps diligently).  And oh ya, if you don’t get a good therapist as well your chances of realizing core issues like the one’s I have mentioned could be slim.


Bible Versus about Honey

I myself believe our food effects us in more ways than we know

Here are some Bible verses related to Honey from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance – Sort By Book Order

Isaiah 7:15 – Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

Proverbs 24:13 – My son, eat thou honey, because [it is] good; and the honeycomb, [which is] sweet to thy taste:

Matthew 3:4 – And the same John had his raiment of camel’s hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his meat was locusts and wild honey.

Proverbs 16:24 – Pleasant words [are as] an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 25:27 – [It is] not good to eat much honey: so [for men] to search their own glory [is not] glory.

2 Samuel 17:29 – And honey, and butter, and sheep, and cheese of kine, for David, and for the people that [were] with him, to eat: for they said, The people [is] hungry, and weary, and thirsty, in the wilderness.

Psalms 81:16 – He should have fed them also with the finest of the wheat: and with honey out of the rock should I have satisfied thee.

Exodus 3:8 – And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.

Psalms 19:7-11 – The law of the LORD [is] perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD [is] sure, making wise the simple. (Read More…)

1 Samuel 14:25 – And all [they of] the land came to a wood; and there was honey upon the ground.

Proverbs 25:16 – Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.

Song of Solomon 4:11 – Thy lips, O [my] spouse, drop [as] the honeycomb: honey and milk [are] under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments [is] like the smell of Lebanon.

Ezekiel 3:1-3 – Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel. (Read More…)

Ezekiel 27:17 – Judah, and the land of Israel, they [were] thy merchants: they traded in thy market wheat of Minnith, and Pannag, and honey, and oil, and balm.

Exodus 16:31 – And the house of Israel called the name thereof Manna: and it [was] like coriander seed, white; and the taste of it [was] like wafers [made] with honey.

Psalms 19:10 – More to be desired [are they] than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

Proverbs 5:3 – For the lips of a strange woman drop [as] an honeycomb, and her mouth [is] smoother than oil:

2 Kings 18:32 – Until I come and take you away to a land like your own land, a land of corn and wine, a land of bread and vineyards, a land of oil olive and of honey, that ye may live, and not die: and hearken not unto Hezekiah, when he persuadeth you, saying, The LORD will deliver us.

Ezekiel 20:6 – In the day [that] I lifted up mine hand unto them, to bring them forth of the land of Egypt into a land that I had espied for them, flowing with milk and honey, which [is] the glory of all lands:

2 Chronicles 31:5 – And as soon as the commandment came abroad, the children of Israel brought in abundance the firstfruits of corn, wine, and oil, and honey, and of all the increase of the field; and the tithe of all [things] brought they in abundantly.

Leviticus 2:11 – No meat offering, which ye shall bring unto the LORD, shall be made with leaven: for ye shall burn no leaven, nor any honey, in any offering of the LORD made by fire.

Deuteronomy 6:2-3 – That thou mightest fear the LORD thy God, to keep all his statutes and his commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son’s son, all the days of thy life; and that thy days may be prolonged. (Read More…)

Leviticus 20:24 – But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I [am] the LORD your God, which have separated you from [other] people.

Psalms 119:103 – How sweet are thy words unto my taste! [yea, sweeter] than honey to my mouth!

Relapse Sucks Continued

Relapse Feels Horrible here is a great solution for the remorse. It’s one little assignment that is tried and true…if we can just pick up a pencil and paper to do it!!! Relapse brings up a lot of guilt and shame which sucks, however it is the perfect time to get some serious baggage off of our heart.

AFTER WE WRITE OUR FEAR LIST with our short explanation of “what happened and how it made me feel” WE ASK GOD TO REMOVE ALL THE FEARS AND CHARACTER DEFECTS WE HAVE CONFIDED IN OUR HIGHER POWER. We share our fear list with an empathetic listener who will relate to us and NOT INVALIDATE OUR VALID EXPRESSION of fears. Women are usually more empathic than men.

Building self-esteem happens when we take one right action at a time. First thing, write core feelings. Write the self-loathing and the feelings of utter worthlessness which addicts feel after a relapse.
Example: I feel like a failure, I hate myself for the things I have done to me and others (children especially). Write the fears associated with thoughts like: I let down my fellows, what will they think of me now? I want people to like me but now they will know I am a failure. Write all the society fears associated with relapse. Write the shame of re-entering the rooms after a relapse and what that does to your reputation and how it makes us feel.
Our head will tell us this exercise is just making matters worse. Our head will say “why should I re-play this bullshit? It just causes pain?” But this exercise SHOULD feel yucky, really yucky! That is how you know your doing it right from your heart.
It goes against our very nature to hide away and repress feelings of inferiority. Then cover it all up with a bow of character defects and blame everyone else. Well that does have it’s uses but it will never get me well. And the feelings I hide will come out sideways eventually at those I love most. So if we are going to feel like shit anyway we may as well feel like crap on our way to getting better than feel like crap on our way to getting sicker. Your choice.
GET TO THE CORE FEELINGS THAT MOST EVERY RELAPSER FEELS UNLESS THEY ARE A SOCIOPATH or can’t get honest. These admissions of feelings and fears WILL cut the ego to the quick! These core human emotions, when addressed & processed will set the addict free from anxiety if done thoroughly and regularly.Next write all the fears about security. I lost my house I am scared shitless, I am ashamed I now live in a trailer. Write: I maxed out my credit cards, how will I ever pay it back? My life sucks now financially, all that money I spent, regret, regrets regret! I am afraid I will be homeless! Don’t just write it like your balancing your check book or something, no! Write an expression of emotion straight from the core of your heart words that would embarrass you thoroughly if anyone read them.

On a Fourth Step let’s face it folks; if we only write what we are comfortable sharing with others we won’t get a damn thing out of the step work. Write the stuff that you want hidden, write the stuff that makes you squirm at the thought of anybody seeing it! Write the stuff that you have hidden for years!There is a reason that we talk about the three fear groups. Sex, society and security are mankind’s main concern, not just the addicts concerns.

When we get into fear 99% of the time it’s about losing our security in one or more of these areas. Therefore it makes sense to write these fears like it instructs us to in the fourth step Big book.After we have expressed our feelings on paper and have listed our fears we re-visit our third step. We remember that God has our back in all these areas and we ask him or her or it to remove all the fears we listed.

Next we confess our fears and feelings in a meeting or to our sponsor. We do the fifth step on the worst of these fears and they will lose power over us!It’s easy for other people to tell us to “get over it”. But that’s easier said than done, we can’t take our heart out and put it in the dishwasher with the dirty dishes. Sure some things we can just shrug off but other feelings need a little work to help us process and get out.

The people who say “get over it” are often the ones who repress so many emotions that they are one heart-beat from a break-down. We came to AA to learn how to deal with our emotions not how to shut them down and get sicker. Always pray before any step-work so your recovery gets the supernatural kick-start that it needs.

AFTER WE WRITE OUR FEAR LIST with our short explanation of “what happened and how it made me feel” WE ASK GOD TO REMOVE ALL THE FEARS AND CHARACTER DEFECTS WE HAVE CONFIDED IN OUR HIGHER POWER. We share our fear list with an empathetic listener who will relate to us and NOT INVALIDATE OUR VALID EXPRESSION of fears. Women are usually more empathic than men.

Relapse Sucks

Relapse Feels Horrible
Here is a great solution for the remorse. It’s one little assignment that is tried and true…if we can just pick up a pencil and paper to do it!!!
Relapse brings up a lot of guilt and shame which sucks, however it is the perfect time to get some serious baggage off of our heart. Building self-esteem happens when we take one right action at a time. First thing, write core feelings. Write the self-loathing and the feelings of utter worthlessness you feel. Example: I feel like a failure, I hate myself for the things I have done to me and others (children especially). Write the fears associated with thoughts like: I let down my fellows, what will they think of me now? I want people to like me but now they will know I am a failure. Write all the society fears associated with relapse. Write the shame of re-entering the rooms after a relapse and what that does to your reputation and how it makes you feel. GET TO THE CORE FEELINGS THAT MOST EVERY RELAPSER FEELS UNLESS THEY ARE A SOCIOPATH or can’t get honest. These admissions of feelings and fears WILL cut the ego to the quick! These core human emotions, when addressed & processed will set the addict free from anxiety if done thoroughly and regularly.
Next write all the fears about security. I lost my house I am scared shitless, I am ashamed I now live in a trailer. Write: I maxed out my credit cards, how will I ever pay it back? My life sucks now financially, all that money I spent, regret, regrets regret! I am afraid I will be homeless! Don’t just write it like your balancing your checkbook or something, no! Write an expression of emotion straight from the core of your heart words that would embarrass you thoroughly if anyone read them.
On a Fourth Step let’s face it folks; if we only write what we are comfortable sharing with others we won’t get a damn thing out of the step work. Write the stuff that you want hidden, write the stuff that makes you squirm at the thought of anybody seeing it! Write the stuff that you have hidden for years!
There is a reason that we talk about the three fear groups. Sex, society and security are mankind’s main concern, not just the addicts concerns. When we get into fear 99% of the time it’s about losing our security in one or more of these areas. Therefore it makes sense to write these fears like it instructs us to in the fourth step Big book.
After we have expressed our feelings on paper and have listed our fears we re-visit our third step. We remember that God has our back in all these areas and we ask him or her or it to remove all the fears we listed.
Next we confess our fears and feelings in a meeting or to our sponsor. We do the fifth step on the worst of these fears and they will lose power over us!
It’s easy for other people to tell us to “get over it”. But that’s easier said than done, we can’t take our heart out and put it in the dishwasher with the dirty dishes. Sure some things we can just shrug off but other feelings need a little work to help us process and get out. The people who say “get over it” are often the ones who repress so many emotions that they are one heart-beat from a break-down. We came to AA to learn how to deal with our emotions not how to shut them down and get sicker. Always pray before any step-work so your recovery gets the supernatural kick-start that it needs.

From Recovering to Recovered

When is it Okay for an Addict to Move from “Recovering” into “Recovered”?

If we believe we are emotionally and spiritually healed and have done much work on ourselves in those areas with God’s help, and do not want to drink. We may be “recovered”  for real.  To thine own self be true.

This is the Foreword to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939

“WE, OF Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary.”

If you go to Alcoholics Anonymous or any of the twelve step meetings you will notice it’s actually tabu to say your “better”, “well” or even “healed” no matter how much work or how long you have been in the program.  Addicts give off the oppressive concept of “once an addict always an addict.”  Some members insinuate in meetings that as soon as an addict believes he is better he is on the hard cold road to relapse and surely delusional.
Fact is many addicts truly do stay in recovery and sick the rest of their days. They never really do the healing work that has been discovered by the few.

What if we were to clear up the core issues of why we really drank, drugged, and committed self abuse? What if we could change the way we see ourselves and understand why we are/were so sick? Would we no longer be alcoholics? The first question every addict asks in response is, “would I then be able to drink responsibly?” The thing is if we are healed in our hearts and minds of addictive patterns we would no longer want to drink or drug responsibly or otherwise. The reason to be numb would be moot.
Which of the twelve steps so highly regarded and respected around the world quotes the rule; “once an addict always an addict”.   Where is it written in the literature “you will never be better and if you say you are you’re surely in relapse mode”.  Well I can’t find it in the steps or in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  As a matter of fact I found evidence very much to the contrary of these rampant belief systems directly from the lips of Bill Wilson himself.

I found this article online and I couldn’t have put it better myself..well maybe a little.  Written by Bill F

In direct contradiction to the Big Book, New Agers tell us we’ll “never recover,” “always be recovering,” and “never get well.” The message from Bill W. and the first one hundred recovered alcoholics (p. xiii) uses the word “recovered” approximately twenty-three times; “recover,” twenty-eight; and “recovering,” only twice, and then in the context of the newcomer.

We never become cured from the physical allergy. Once we take a drink the phenomenon of craving will be triggered. This is what it means to say “we are not cured from alcoholism” (p. 85). But once we become recovered, the mental obsession to drink is removed. The physical allergy is rather a moot point. We now do not have to take that first drink. Being recovered is conditional. We remain recovered by staying in fit spiritual condition (p. 85).”

Bill F.
Hyattsville, Maryland


Adult Children of Alcoholics can be a Place of Healing

If we are willing and honest.

Scroll to the mp3 audio below

Please enjoy the speaker meeting recording below, a testimony from Beth P. of ACOA.

There is a lot of core level work on addiction and core issue causes of addiction going on in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics a 12 step program) according to fellow and friend Beth P.
Beth is moderator and peacemaker in my favorite Facebook recovery group  “Friends of Bill and Bob” to join the fb recovery group click this link


Your Own Domain Name & Website

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The Insanity Prayer

Sing this song to the tune of “My favorite things” in The Sound of Music…or Mary Poppins if you like.

“The Insanity Prayer”  Words

Red legged spiders that waddle while walking.
Don’t clip my wings while I’m sitting here talking.
Fudge covered caramels of candy and creams.
Soft quilted dreams of dysfunctional things.

Rough sober drunks with opinions abounding.
Nodding in chairs while on drugs they are drowning.
Fierce, angry housewives with husbands to blame.
Waving a butcher knife, they are insane.

when your friend slips, when there’s lost dreams.
When you health’s destroyed.
Simply recite the insanity prayer and then you won’t beee________ ah______noid.

Taking Viagra and drinking my prune juice.
Eating through straws wishing I had some vermouth.
Tall tainted hookers are lovely to me.
Little do they know but money they neeeeeed.

When I see, I’m decomposing, when I’m old and crazed.
I simply recite the insanity prayer and then I will be_____-ah-mazed.


Deryck Whibley on Alcohol Addiction

Deryck Whibley on Alcohol Addiction From the “People Music”

website (link here)


While Sum 41 fans knew frontman Deryck Whibley for his catchy punk-rock anthems and electric live shows, behind the scenes, the singer found himself battling with some serious demons — including a nearly fatal alcohol addiction.


Now healthy and happily remarried, the musician — who was married to Avril Lavigne before their 2009 split — opened up to PEOPLE about hitting rock bottom, his journey to sobriety and Sum 41’s new album, 13 Voices, which Whibley and the band will be touring behind through March 2017.  READ MORE HERE


How has the whole process of getting out there and performing changed since your recovery?

The Disease Concept is a Rationalization

If you don’t know the true reason for addiction just make up a reason and run with it.  After all, alcoholics are skilled at the art of denial and bullshit.  We fool ourselves first then we fool the world.

Let’s face it recovering alcoholics are commonly desperate for a valid cause to pin their miseries on. Sometimes in the form of co dependency and blame.  Other times in the form of playing up a tragedy that really doesn’t affect us.  We jump at the chance for a valid process of grief…seldom does anyone ever accept and validate our true grief if and when we have the balls and self honesty to find out what that is. Most recovering addicts have pushed their emotions so far away from their heart that they grasp the “disease concept” in order to validate their reason for drinking and drugging. When truth is IT’S ALL EMOTIONAL.  Very few addicts ever adapt more than the “textbook answer (Big Book)” for WHY DID YOU DRINK CORROSIVELY BROTHER?  It’s not our fault we can seldom answer this question with a true to life cause.


If you were an addict (yes I said “were”) and have realized that the wonderful childhood you experienced was actually just a pretty picture you painted in your head. If the pack mentality has finally dissipated and you realize your caretakers in the formative years were quite possibly self-esteem sucking vampire-like idiots then…CONGRATULATIONS! About 10% of people in recovery ever realize the true reason for their shame (fear of people), self loathing (self destructive), and drinking (drugging).

#1 the word “shame” is pridefully unpalatable and carries with it a grotesque status-quo.  Shames status quo relies on a thriving state of false pride to keep its existence alive and healthy.  That is, shame in it’s oppressive form.  Symptoms of shame-Isolation, lies, hiding, making up stories, a desire to numb oneself from it’s feeling, inferiority, fear, fear of failure, fear of success, changing one’s appearance drastically, blushing, rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang your head, slump your shoulders, avoid eye contact, withdraw, even get dizzy or nauseous.

The true reasons for addiction often just get buried. Bill Wilson himself quite publicly both rationalized and intellectualized his own reasons for drinking.  His false-pride and pack-mentality concepts were obviously (by his writings) NEVER thawed from the great ice crevice in his heart where they lay for so long.

Denial is the addicts brightest and shiniest emotional survival skill both before and after recovery.  Spearheaded at the tip of our emotional talents denial saves us from intense realities. The addicts denial; be it stronger than the iceberg that crushed the Titanic.   Lengthier than the plastic scouring our oceans and more blatant to the psychologically learned than the very nose on our face.

YET how do you tell a blind man that the table is red and not dark?  How do you tell an addict that he drank and drugged because of his pain?  And that his pain erupted in the formative years.  And that he himself is not God, nor is he to blame for attempting to numb such a horrific shame induced pain.  One thing sure, THE ADDICT THINKS HE IS SHIT WE MUST FIND THE CORES OF THAT INCLINATION.  NO, NO, HELL NO!  SCREAMS THE RECOVERING ADDICT!  But what is he recovering from?  Not the real cause of his addiction…oh hell no we won’t go close to that turd of darkness.  No in AA the addict recovers from old habits, and if he works really hard he will become aware of his character defects.  If he works the steps HE WILL BUILD SELF ESTEEM BY STEP 12.  He may recover from hurting others by step four, he may quit cussing, quit smoking, and quit drinking and develope a relationship with God….but until he finds the true cause of his pain HOW IN THE NAME OF BILL WILSON HIMSELF WILL HE RECOVERY FROM THE TRUE CAUSE OF HIS DRINKING?

MOST EVERYONE “LET’S UP ON THEIR SPIRITUAL PROGRAM” AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER…OF THIS I AM CERTAIN.  If the emotional is not addressed, when the spiritual lapses the mouse re-lives his pain.  The pain must be addressed to heal.  We gotta feel to heel…really feel.

Isn’t it time we asked ourselves…Why the fuck did I really nearly drank and drug myself to death?….absent the pack mentality.  And absent the status quo of AA that WE DON’T ASK WHY ABOUT SHIT.  Come on don’t ask why?  Fuck knowledge right?  Start with this statement, “children who are raised in a truly decent emotionally nurturing atmosphere don’t generally have a reason to hate themselves, initially”. People raised with Love don’t regularly try to numb an intense hurt in their heart which is so extremely painful they prefer inebriation over any simulation of awareness.  And more importantly once the true reasons surface in their appropriate and natural order….we need to develop ways to get them out that are healthy.

Most addicts wouldn’t know an emotional beat down if it literally hit them in the face. And it’s not their fault…it’s not their fault. But if your tired of being an arms length away from a drink and want true recovery it’s gonna take addressing the true reasons absent the rationalization of “it’s disease.”

Let’s put it this way…WE ADDICTS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD AT SNOWING OUR PEERS AND PEOPLE….WE LITERALLY HAVE CONVINCED OURSELVES AND THE WHOLE WORLD THAT ALCOHOLISM IS SOME OBSCURE DISEASE DRIVEN BY A ROGUE GENE POOL. LOL The medical field kinda believes it and it has become the status quo of addiction topics, rehabs in spite of there not being an ounce of real proof to back it up.

Addicts are emotionally sick because of trauma of one sort or another USUALLY not present in their memory.

Solutions to pain.

“God Is Either All or [He-She-It] Is Nothing”

I heard a women at a meeting tonight share this: “When I expressed fear my sponsor told me that God is either everything or He’s nothing.” The sponsor made a typical example of the extreme thinking, closed mindedness and lack of balance addicts often experience. Why do I disagree with the statement? Because: THERE IS A WHOLE LOTTA GOD WHO LIVES BETWEEN “ALL AND NOTHING”.

But the cliche sounds good right? Say it outloud to someone, “by god, God is either all or nothing I say!” Feels kinda powerful in a way to harness the statement. Makes me feel superior for sure. Ya! I think I will carry that “cliche” home and spoon feed it’s ridiculousness and human impossibility to all my own sponsees.

Well if there is one man or just one woman on this earth who is 100% all God at All times we can name them “Jesus” because they WILL be walking on water. Why would this woman’s sponsor tell her such a crock of A.A. jargon-malarkey? What the sponsor most likely meant and should have said is a simple: “turn it over to God.” So why didn’t she say simply “turn it over to God”? Sensationalism is one theory. Maybe she spent her life being ignored and had to exaggerate to an extreme to get anyone to listen to her. And now that’s her MO. She heard the saying at a meeting then used it and felt the power so and it stuck.

But I am here to say THERE IS A WHOLE LOTTA GOD WHO LIVES BETWEEN ALL AND NOTHING. And this is usually where we meet HIm/Her/It. Not in some state of spiritual 100% perfection. Although it’s more likely to meet God at “0%” opposed to “100%” Because at zero we are depleted and see our intense need for God’s help. At 100% God hmmm never been there I don’t know.

Why does HIGH FASHION often imitate LOW-LIFE? And irritating status quo’s

Why does HIGH FASHION often imitate LOW-LIFE?  And some thought on annoying status quos.

MJ artistically grabs crotch.
Who IS Chris Brown anyway?
So Artistic!
20160806_185157 (2)
Heroin Addict Model Look

Captain Kirk and Numba-One are highly ashamed of the extremely low-riding ghetto shorts and the penis coddling associated with it in Earth 2016.  They are strictly tighty-whitie boys in high rise pants.  And they have that right by God!

First I want to thank Michael Jackson the pioneer of public penis coddling!  He paved the way for the rich and famous male performer to feel their oats and express the male dominance in a song and dance routine satisfyingly and artistically be-knownst to us all.  Big thanks guy in the sky!  More on the penis later.

I have noticed in the last ten years or so high fashion design advertising consisting of various magazines, high-end clothing manufacturers, and very expensive clothing lines portray their advertisements with models who look like heroin addicts, sadomasochists, and even ghetto rats and rap performers who often fondly rest their hands on their penis while on stage or while sporting their saggy baggy shorts.

My partner pointed out that how I see art work is my own perception.   And that maybe the ghetto guy on stage isn’t really holding his penis it just looks that way TO ME.

Check this colorful example in Rihannas apocalyptic male line-up.


He is probably right to an extent about my perceptions, that is.  The average ad photos are worth millions and there are no accidents in the placement of the male models hands.  And even so I have been forced to shop at Wal-mart lately.  Which me and my friends rightly call “ghetto-mart” because they built it slap dab in the middle of the ghetto.  And lots of black men yes I said it BLACK MEN walk around with their hands holding their penis and their shorts up killing two pigeons with one crack rock.  Sorry I feel the guy walking around in public with his hand on his dick is somehow degrading to me.  Obviously if it bothers me it’s about me.  In all reality the guy at ghetto-mart doesn’t know or care what I think about him or his penis.   OK maybe dad and his “sex and the human body are bad, dirty, and disgusting” bullshit affected me more than I like to admit.

So I have psycho anal-ized myself in this instance now I will analyze the motives behind high fashions artistic creations and why they may be imitating low life.  Firstly there’s the copy-cat reasons.  Many artists, photographers, high fashion CEO’s etc are merely going with the flow of what some other artist did and it became the “kool” thing to do cause well, IT SELLS.

Personally I dislike status quo-s.  Why?  Because status quo-s  wreak of follow-the-leader mentality.  And the followers don’t have the balls to be who they really are because they fear if people know who they are they won’t be liked.  I used to feel the same way before therapy.  Now I run around screaming for everyone else to jump on the therapy band wagon too so they too can realize they aren’t really the piece of shit that their neglectful and borderline abusive parents told them they were.  So yes follow the leader annoys me.  Because I used to be a follower now I do what I want, write what I want, create what I want, and don’t have any friends lol.  People read my articles for some reason.  But I think since most of my readers are in recovery I am basically the poster child for criticism and passive aggressive jabs.   (not true I have 1 or 2)

Anyway reference my recovery website at and  for more on how to recover from low self esteem and drug addiction.

So back to these high-end advertisements.    I have been watching TV lately and noticed that Hollywood seems to think it’s wrong somehow to want money or to put value on money.  If your rich and famous your supposed to (by status quo) act like money is garbage and has no bearing on anything at all.  Money is not-important and principle is everything.   I have seen this MO in movies TV shows across the board.  Needing and wanting money is bad!  We must not elude to it ever! Excluding those lovely “it takes a thief” movies where the thief is the good guy and stealing for some grand purpose, our hero deserves that money and the rich diabolical meanie who earned it DOESN’T!  So I relate this status quo to the idea that well-off people are confused and are somehow made to feel guilty because they were born with money.  Granted principles and good character are important but that doesn’t mean that having money isn’t important too or that having money automatically makes you evil.

It’s sad I think that maybe some people think that being poor is automatically virtuous.  And that if your poor you may automatically have principle’s and good character.  This is anything but true.  Money has no bearing on a person’s character.

Uhh – Ohh heading off-track….And what about the Cancer survivors status quo.  You survived Cancer?  You get not only a warm pat on the back but your name is automatically written in the “Virtuous Gold Star book of the good”.  I know this because I have seen how people act around Cancer survivors like myself.  They gruvel around as if they have no right to even breath the survivors air.  When hell, the only virtuous thing about surviving Cancer is the way you gracefully forgive the idiot techs who nearly burn your pubic hairs off because they missed the red radar blast mark by a good 3 ft.  Or the way you forgive the foreign Oncologist when he suggests that the intense burns you suffered on your crotch are actually a yeast  True story folks ya, trust me,,,it happens.  If being a human being and victim of a disease is virtuous then sign me up folks…..old age in itself is a disease.  We all die. (except for God’s pets of coarse who may or may not walk the earth for over a thousand years.  And then there’s the dead guy who everyone knows was the biggest A-hole to ever cast a shadow of death across the main stage at your local AA meeting.  Status Quo says…..”What a wonderful man he was….and such a good friend!  I will mourn the days of this tragic loss for ever and always!”  When in reality you wouldn’t let the guy close to your house if he were the last drink of water in a desert sand storm.


Anyway, people who are not used to having money don’t rely on it as much.  Therefore they have the power to give and share when they have it. (not always of coarse).

Personally I wish I was rich as fuck but unless I go to school at the ripe age of 56 I don’t think I will be….ever.

I believe the high-fashion to low-life is linked in either shame, guilt, or envy not sure which or maybe all three.  Rich people who want to imitate being poor may either need to cover up their riches because they have been made ashamed of it.  Or they are deluded to the fact that poor people are automatically principled and envy that.  But who knows which if any marketeers of high fashion are just copying other ads and which are living the lie.

Does that kind of modeling sell clothes to the rich and famous?  It must or they wouldn’t still be paying millions to make a high fashion model look like a low bottom heroin addict.

Life is all social psychology and social psychology is bent on status-quo.  Everyone wants to be liked or they aren’t normal.  People pretend they don’t fear what other’s think of them but at some point we all fear socially.  And we all hate to admit it….unless we have had some great therapy.  Not all therapists know how to really help a person.  Many therapists will invalidate your feelings as fast as an abusive parent would.

Some people are successful in spite of abuse.  They walk into success.  It’s set up for them from the time they are babies.  And that does not make them bad.  What were they supposed to say as their care taker handed them their silver spoon?   “No, don’t give me what I need, please don’t give me my sustenance I prefer to go out and work cleaning toilets for it, maybe someday I will make enough to pay a years tuition at the college of my choice.”


Here’s the video of Michael Jackson being interviewed by Oprah who begs the question, “Michael why do you keep grabbing your penis during performances”?


Although I Search Myself it’s Always Someone Else I See _______Elton John

Addicts are really good at one thing…”the game of denial”.  I blinded myself for many years.

Am I an addict?  Addiction is a symptom.  What other symptoms do I have going on that may reveal to me what my addiction was really about.

In a crowded room full of people would I be attracted to the sickest person in the room?  Have my relationships been riddled with abuse and betrayal?  Do I have a problems communicating on a respectful level when I am upset?  Do I fear my feelings because they make me intensely miserable?  Do I have a hard time sharing my fears and opening up to people?  Do I have a hard time sharing my most intimate feelings, hopes, and dreams?  Do I have ANXIETY, ANGER, DEPRESSION, LOW SELF ESTEEM?  What about mental health problems such as depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), PANIC ATTACKS, self harm, suicidal thoughts.  Or learning and earning difficulties, lower educational attainment, difficulties in communicating behavioral problems including anti-social behavior, criminal behavior?

Still after I answered yes to many of these questions I had no idea I was an abused child.  It took me ten years in recovery, eight years in AA working the steps over and over.  A year of trauma in recovery therapy, 7 years of intense meditation and deep prayer.  Until finally I was able to look at my father in a way other than the magic picture I had painted in my mind for so long.

I had to be the one who was bad and wrong, I thought!  My father was an angel he couldn’t have been the one to brutally beat and possibly molest me as a baby.  At best he threw me to the wolves to be sexually ram-sacked at a young and tender age.  He could not have taken a beautiful young innocent toe-headed baby girl and bashed her, crashed her, and dashed her hopes and dreams into oblivion by teaching her that she was basically a third rate human being who had no right to live and deserved to be brutalized and beaten.  He taught me that every aspect of me was dirt.  My body, mind, soul, and spirit.  And to this day that sick bastard doesn’t think he did anything wrong.  He has never said, “I am sorry, I was wrong” about anything.

So I am processing my core issue, the true reason for my drinking and drugging.

Mean-while I hope to enlighten the minds of my fellows.  If I don’t have a disease…you may not have a disease either.  Why claim the disease concept for myself anyway?  Well for me it was a kind of justification for my behavior.  The disease concept lets me off the hook  I am no longer responsible for my actions.  I have an addiction cancer, not my fault!  But now I know different.  But initially, it’s still not my fault. I was coping the only way I knew how. But now I know better ways to cope. And I have way less stressful situations to “cope with”. The good news is that the trauma and child abuse theory for addiction means I have a real chance at a cure IF I do the work. Please, not “cured” to drink and drug again. Cured to not want to drink and drug again.
Addiction is no mystery to me at ten plus years sober. Start with a miserable, insecure, low self esteem, fearful individual who finds a solution to his fear in drugs. He feels better for a time…but then he gets a tolerance to his drug. It no longer has the same effects. The addict is desperately seeking peace of mind in the only way that has worked for him in the past. But his solution fails, AKKKKK!! The addict is driven by a powerful obsession to re-capture the good feelings which alcohol and drugs once provided. He searches like a starving animal seeking food. (hence the obsession) Take away any mans sustenance, starve him, and watch him act just like a sick heroin addict to the point of murder and theft. It’s a viable human basic need full throttle. Addiction falls into the bucket labelled “emotional survival”. The real question is…why is the addict so f**ing miserable to being with? Oh but AA teaches that the “why” isn’t important. Right. The hell it isn’t. Each person when choosing to answer this question in a painfully honest and unbiased way leaving the “pack mentality” behind (protect family at all costs even unto deep denial) will find that the core of his motive for addiction is rooted in his formative years. One step further we find that we had no idea what child abuse really looks and feels like. We ask “why was my self-worth so jaded?” “What made a little innocent child hate himself?” “Who taught me that I was not as good as other people?” False pride screams at the top of it’s lungs; “ADDICTION IS A DISEASE! ADDICTION IS GENETIC! I HAD A WONDERFUL CHILDHOOD! My parents were awesome care-takers. They nurtured and encouraged me. They fed and clothed me. They taught me that I was good and could achieve anything. They rewarded me and never sent me violent or demeaning messages. (Right, that’s why you methodically and habitually tried to off yourself.) Keep telling yourself that my fellow dysfunctional victim, keep listening to the false pride which says there is no such thing as a victim. There is no such thing as emotional trauma. I AM FINE DAMN IT! Just diseased, ya a disease that has nothing to do with the circumstances of my life so I don’t have to work on or address wrongs done TO me.   MY POINT?   How in the name of all that is holy are so many recovering addicts convinced that their addiction has nothing to do with their emotional condition and their childhood.

The right therapy can heal a heart. It’s our heart that has been abused. It’s our minds that are in need of some lessons in child development and some step eleven meditation and long term sobriety WILL bring back the memories that our heart desperately needs to express if we allow it. Don’t let the intellect to minimize, invalidate, & destroy the hearts voice.

Every addict is fearful and emotionally repressed. But don’t expect him to see or admit it until he has been through a year or so of good therapy.

I am not Responsible When Anyone Anywhere…..

The Responsibility Pledge borders on a breach in the principle that AA was built on “there are no dues or fees for AA membership”.

The pledge though well-meaning is a contradiction to our AA founding principle of no dues and especially NO HIDDEN FEES!

The advantages and core level recovery that doing service work gives us is vital for us to stay sober.  Telling our story and chairing meetings, going to jails and institutions to carry the message, sponsorship, helping others all these things carve out our very self worth and emotional healing that we desperately need in recovery.

I am all for Service Work and have done it for years but NEVER by obligation or because I am in debt to AA. It’s a fine line from the gift of sobriety into a lapse in spiritual ideas by stamping my old “strings-attached” manipulative attitude onto a program that was set-up to be spiritual and free.

I do service because it keeps me sober, it builds self worth, and it helps heal me and emotionally builds up my confidence and esteem. I do not OWE AA. AA is not given to us with strings attached.  Does God give to us with strings attached?  The program and carrying the message is not by obligation it’s by necessity and then it’s a choice. It’s not “stealing” to-not do service work. Come on this is a spiritual principle. AA is not built with manipulation and hidden fees.

“The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; (THERE ARE NO HIDDEN FEES AND THAT INCLUDES SERVICE WORK) we are self supporting through our own contributions.”

The reason the responsibility pledge is so controversial and has been omitted from the readings in many groups is because 1. It’s not in the Big Book and 2. It makes for the idea that we OWE AA and we don’t. I am NOT RESPONSIBLE for the entire Earth of drunks reaching out for the hand of AA. That is far too vast of a burden for me to carry. When I give to AA it’s because I either need to do it or I choose to do it. I am no longer bathing in the codependent illness that has me thinking I am God and the world won’t survive without my service. Nor will anyone put a guilt trip on me saying I am obligated to do anything except “do no harm” and help others when I choose. And again the only person I am responsible for is me.

You Must have Mistook me for Someone Who Gives a Shit

Truly some people who really do give a shit have no idea or ability to show it in a Loving way.

At least that’s what I am hoping considering the actions of many people in the world today.

We have all heard the sarcastic comment that rolls off the tongues of those who want to make known to us all that they don’t care about us or anyone.  They pretend they cannot be hurt because they are emotionally bullet-proof.   I don’t know about you but I have made peace with the fact, that I am human and like to know I am cared for, liked, and loved.     Thing is, with this awareness of the vulnerable human condition of my own heart comes more unpleasant truths.

After ten years of deep meditation and sobriety I realize it was my sick parents, NO, my very sick parents who set up camp at the core of my self-worth taking  turns with exacerbating and brutal jabs at me as a person.   From conception till now they made known to me my utter worthlessness. Everything about me was wrong in their eyes.  Maybe it was themselves who they saw when they looked at their beautiful baby girl.  Clearly my parents taught me to loath who I am.  They shamed me to the point I hid every aspect of myself.  I hid my pain, my joy, my fears, my love, my excitement because I learned from them that if it came from my heart it was bad and wrong.

Fuck you Dad, fuck you very much!  Not only that they fed me to the wolves at a tender age to be sexually molested by a second cousin whom they knew was a sick bastard.  They hurt me very deeply with their deep dark repetitive, shaming, subliminal messages in my formative years and through life.  And the tricky part, I don’t think they ever realized what they were doing to me.  And most importantly I had no idea I was either neglected or abused in any way.    I didn’t know what emotional neglect and mental abuse looked like coming from a parent.  How could I at that age?  The beatings were spankings and the belittling was discipline all for my own good of course.  When I became an addict I poured all the guilt on myself, I took all the blame for who I was, thank God my eyes finally were opened.  Thank God.

So! In the spirit of “moving-on” I put my own heart’s’ voice first by saying “I am hurting” and put it ahead of the need to forgive others. Because the vital step of forgiveness is nearly worthless if we don’t take care of our own emotional pain first.  I must refrain from calling my feelings character defects.  They are part of who I am.  And I became aware through meditation and staying sober that the “pack-mentality” (they did their best don’t blame mom and dad,bla, bla, bla, defend them to the point of blindness etc.)  defense toward my family was killing me.  And the self condemnation was also killing me.  So I held on to my emotionally traumatic resentment for a good year while working on/processing the severe trauma by neglect that I suffered at the hands of those I clearly mistook for someone who gives a shit.

How do I know I need empathic therapy?

I will stop here to let you know how certain issues that do need addressing rear their ugly heads in recovery.  Are you angry at others allot.  Or just angry?   Depressed?  Anxiety?  Are you suffering from sick relationships?  Hate/Love type relationships or maybe you can’t handle relationships at all.  If after a couple years of 12 step work we still suffer from chronic irritability it may be time to cry, scream, share, talk, out and journal your issues with someone WHO DOES GIVE A SHIT.  Or someone who at least knows how to listen to your feelings and concerns and respond with the following qualities::   Please know empathic healing from deep traumatic wounds cannot happen by having an “our part” pointed out to us or by searching for character flaws.   Healing won’t happen by assuming that re-visiting pains in the quest for healing is always morbid reflection and self pity.  The 12 steps do work in some ways.   And God does heal, sometimes. But in Alcoholics Anonymous people invalidate and minimize trauma feelings that are at the core of most addictions.  Yet they write them off as if all our feelings of hurt are a character flaw that needs repressed.

That attitude is what got me sick to begin with for this a attest I was in recovery for years but now am finally recovered.

Mirroring- To convey understanding by reflecting back what has been expressed or indicated.  (repeating back our words in a way we know we are being heard and understood. Example:  “It sounds like your feeling frustrated because…”

Affirmation- Validating basic human rights and qualities. “It’s normal to feel…”  “I can understand why you would feel…”, “You have the right to be angry”.  “You know what’s right for you.”

Relating- Sharing our own similar experience.  “That happened to me too, I felt so abandoned.”

Caring-  Expressing our own feelings and perceptions to convey caring and support.  Example:  “I admire your strength and courage.”  “I feel sad you went through that.”

Sometimes these four little steps are all the lie between anxiety and peace If we exert the courage to open up to someone who won’t shut us down.  There is a reason some people are easy to talk to.  And on the other hand all some people know how to do in a conversation is seek out a vulnerability and attack.

Not everyone needs spanked by their AA sponsor.  Some people can pick up the Big Book with the help of some guiding prayers and do the most honest and thorough fourth step you have ever seen.  Some people will take it too far because they have been condemning themselves for their entire lives.  Granted few people don’t use the fail-safe of “accusing blame” when they are suffering deeply.  Finding a balance as to when we have been wronged and deeply hurt and those slights that run off us like water on a duck.  Once we build self worth by one esteem-able act at a time we won’t be so easily offended.  But in my case here recently I was wronged repeatedly by a family who I must forgive.  But forgiving is sometimes a process that should begin with self-respect and self Love.  By validating our hurts we can then let them flow out with the tears.

Addicts can only endure so much guilt until we need to shove some off on somebody else.  Make it their fault instead of our own.  Problem is we usually end up condemning those we Love most.


When I watch the news or read ads on my Facebook, twitter, ebay,  or any other media input, even when I have conversations with other people…I ask myself ;  What do they want?  What are they really saying and why?  For the last ten years since the onslaught of social media developers have been working hard for powerful people.  They have been finding and perfecting new ways to PROFILE YOU and we the people. What they are doing with this mind power is open to the highest bidder.  Money is power and the powerful want more power.   Just be aware.  Choose your battles, don’t let battles choose you.  The powerful are now armed with the ability to single out huge groups of people to react in the way they want.  These wealthy billionaires can control not only Facebook America but also Facebook Europe, Facebook Russia, Facebook, Twitter, of the entire world.  Sure people will not easily cross moral boundaries but, now it’s evident where which boundaries lie and where they don’t.  Think about what even a small percentage of mind control on global levels can do.   See mind control techniques here.


Domestic Violence Is Epidemic in the U.S.& Beyond

Beyond the U.S. in many places domestic violence is not considered a crime   (see definition and info)

see original article now.

The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war.

Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men. Too many women have been held captive by domestic violence — whether through physical abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse or a combination of all three.

We are inundated with news stories about domestic violence , from athletes beating their significant others in public elevators or in their own homes to celebrities publicly abusing their girlfriends. This problem is not one that will go away quickly or quietly.

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, discussions about intimate partner abuse and its horrible repercussions should not. In an attempt to illustrate the gravity of abuse all genders (but largely women) face in the U.S., we rounded up 30 statistics on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s an insidious problem deeply rooted in our culture — and these numbers prove that.

Read the staggering statistics original article at the Huffington Post


More statistics article here:

Cocaine Trauma Deliverance

I grew up in the 70s in Tampa. There was Cocaine everywhere. Long story short I became deeply addicted to injecting ether based Cocaine. After a few years and a few overdoses I ended up with the worst paranoia and fear I can imagine. I had one overdose where I died and was brought back with CPR. I literally went to death and hell and a place of bondage that I could not get out of. Thank God I was given CPR it was like clawing my way out of Hell. I did not come back easy. After that I was plagued with anxiety attacks and paralyzed with panic from my experiences with Cocaine and the things I did while using it. I ran, I got as far away from my enablers as I could. I then desperately sought God in any place people worship. I found what I was looking for by His Grace.

My Cocaine and addiction deliverance was like a blessed download from Heaven.

When I was delivered from Heroin and Cocaine addiction the first time around I was clean for years I stayed on a pink cloud (joy, peace, happiness) for at least a year. Prior to that I was plagued with anxiety, and panic attacks, I was a heroin and cocaine junky who had to have a shot of dope to get out of bed in the morning. After one touch from God my thinking and feelings were changed dramatically. I no longer had anxiety or panic attacks. After one touch I like to call a “download” from God in a little Baptist church in the meadow. As windows 8 calls it, by one “refresh” I was set in a direction of service and Love toward mankind. I received a new operating system with my files or memories left intact. My resentments were quelled and my sickness abated. I loved my mother again that in itself was a miracle.

The 12 Steps keep me spiritually and emotionally healthy

Let’s face it folks steps 10, 11, and 12 are the maintenance steps when I meditate I get spiritually fed, I get a disk defrag, a disk cleaning, and vital updates. Why is it different this time clean and sober for me? Granted I had much joy my first round of sobriety, I learned allot, I changed in a huge way morally and I became Loving but God had only begun my overhaul. The first time I was sober I didn’t wholeheartedly believe that I was a good child of God. I believed with my head but my heart deep down was telling me that I was bad and of Satan. I still carried deep shame within my heart from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child and my actions during years of addiction. Deep down I knew I would screw things up again. Why?

There are three things that I did different this time (I got sober this time in 2006) One; this time I worked the steps with a sponsor honestly and thoroughly, everything came out in my fifth step. Two, I got empathic recovery therapy and learned how to continually share my true, illogical and fearful heartfelt inner feelings. People are usually ashamed of their true feelings because nobody (well most people) wants to be vulnerable or be looked upon as different. The thing is everybody except perhaps true sociopaths have illogical fears and deep child-like feelings that they don’t like about themselves. So we cover them up with the mask, distractions and lies. Therapy taught me to vent these feelings so they don’t fester, or turn to rage, and obsession. Thirdly this time I practiced meditation on a regular basis for the first six years I was sober. What this did is open my mind to receive God’s blessings. Meditation improved every aspect of my recovery and most importantly helped heal me both emotionally and spiritually.

When I say “meditation” I don’t mean picking up a book and reading a passage. I am talking about the kind of meditation that takes an hour a day to be still, silent, and open. Meditation when practiced regularly brings a steady flow of continuous spiritual experiences that can move mountains and heal the heart the soul and the mind.

Funny thing…different things have different ways of communicating. Animals have their own way, humans speak to humans verbally, computers have their own language, electricity speaks to the light bulb and it reacts, the light speaks to our atmosphere and it reacts and becomes visual, the sun speaks to the flower, the moon speaks to the Earth, even water speaks to our bodies and we live. Action and reaction but how does man speak to God? Should we use our tongue as if God were a man that has ears…perhaps so but God my friend “looks upon the heart” so it is written. Should we not try seeking God with words straight from our heart and then talk to Him with our minds as well?

Seek and you shall find but seek with your hearts language for it is the language of truth absent of all the editing that our mind thinks should be done. For out of the heart bursts forth the well-springs of life. Eternal Life“

What is logical to the mind is folly to the heart and what is truth to the heart is valid to God.”

Addiction & Recovery

Learning cleaver cliché’s, a new key word AA pirate vocabulary, and the ability to repress resentment and shame will never be the same as the emotional sobriety induced by doing a Higher Power directed, honest, and thorough working of the 12 steps.  However, make no mistake oftentimes it appears to be the same.  The thing is if the inside of the cup doesn’t get washed regularly (4th,10th, 11th steps) the taste will not be so sweet.  Sometimes the taste of life still ain’t so sweet even with having done all the work.  There will always be something that is hard to put into the acceptance basket of the heart.  But the fewer things we try to control the easier our day will be.  Hence….God Grant us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference.

WHY DO HUMANS WANT TO PLAY GOD?  Humans, while human will never be capable of seeing things in an absolute pure light.  Why?  There is a veil of carnality over human beings which pollute the pure view.  Looking through the eyes of Love is the pure view.  Gazing through the throngs of fear is the view marred with all sorts of grasping means for self survival according to false prides dictate.  “Oh yee of little faith!” cries our self exacerbation.  “If only our self-image could be fixed and then re-implanted in our hearts” we think to ourselves, as we quickly look around for another unsuspecting human to tag the label “bad & wrong” on.  Ohhhh if only we ourselves could see us through the eyes of Love.  If even for a moment…we could see us as God sees us, a pure lighted glow of innocence surrounded with an aura of color so soft it could only be spiritual and celestial.


When the body dies the veil rips, the cord snaps, and we will see as clearly as we are seen.  We will know as wholly as we are known, then and there will I see you again and I will say, “Ahh we meet again warm heart, loosed from the veil of spiritual darkness we were under for such a short and long time.  Greetings to you my friend, I see you made it to the home of Love that peradventure my heart should have hoped for you long ago.  Yes I should have Loved you then when we were in the place of humanity, where and when it would have meant so much more.”  For had we chose to Love, even through the ominous veil of our carnal haze it would have been a strong testament to who we were.


Love itself the power greater than any would have been strengthened within us.


Even Death in all its presence would have bent a knee and bowed to serve the Love alive within us and flee for its own survival.


Emotional Disorder Disclaimer

Copyright Disclaimer

Recovery Farmhouse is not an Alcoholics Anonymous company and does not use A.A. Logos or trademarks that are copyrighted.  RFH is a sole proprietorship based in the United States therefore not subject to copyright laws to the extent of other countries where the Big book “Alcoholics Anonymous” is concerned.  A.A. does not hold the copyrights on certain editions of the Big Book in the U.S. and has not for a long time. (Reference.-     Any AA literature quoted on this site provides reference to the AA literature by which it came.  Recovery Farmhouse websites are subject to and in accordance with the A.A.W.S copyrights fair use policies, Intellectual Property Policies, and Sound and Video Policies.,,,  AA literature will not be duplicated for sale or profit in any way shape or form by RFH but has been duplicated for educational, or personal use which ever fits according to purposes by standards of A.A.W.S.  All AA literature on RFH and are strictly to carry the message and further Alcoholics Anonymous on an individual level by one members experience, strength, and hope.  RFH monies if any will be applied to hosting, Domain name costs, anti-spam, anti-virus and other SEO optimization costs.  This website is strictly for charity but requires certain monies to stay afloat on the internet.

Emotional Disorder Disclaimer

I am not a physician nor do I have a degree in psychology.  I don’t know much about mental illness and my articles are not written as solutions to mental illness.  My articles are my own solutions to the inability to process my intense feelings.  I have learned how to work on my core issues and to process anger, and hurt when it crops up.  I no longer get depressed.  I am not paralyzed by fear.  My panic attacks are gone partly because of practicing the therapy tools I share online and mainly because of my own Higher Power Jesus and God the Father leading me into these solutions and enlightening and fulfilling me by spiritual experiences.

What I share is what I learned in therapy and helped me so much derived from the un-published works of Randall Mayrovitz, Meridian Behavioral Healthcare.  I am talking about remedies for anxiety, fear, and panic attacks due to repressed emotions which are the driving factors in much alcohol and drug abuse.  The solutions of expression that worked for me may not be for you.  I also talk about a fourth step as a remedy for shame which is also a cause to drink and drug.   We are as sick as our secrets but finding a safe place to initially get out our core trauma is another matter.  I attribute my own sync in recovery to God mapping things out just right. Be cautious who you share your feelings and traumas with.  We need someone who can relate, care, mirror, and understand.   Also some abuse results in such extreme emotional trauma that the door to those memories should stay shut except when under the care of a physician, medication and supervision.  However for me and those I was in therapy with these solutions along with the steps have kept us sane, serene, and sober.  I urge every addict to get group therapy where you can share your trauma and get feedback.  Also considering our family tree and the behaviors of our parents can be very enlightening to understand ourselves.  Ongoing prayer and meditation is priceless to recovery.

Solutions for anxiety, depression, and anger.

People Are Often Bitches!

People Can Be Ruthless at Times

With no consideration for the future                                                                       or Karmic Law.  BUYER BEWARE!

So sorry to be negative but I need to vent.  My daughter and me got ripped off by an “Acceptance Now” salesman at HHGregg. Usually the deal on rental/purchase agreements are you pay in 90 days and there is little to no interest.  “Just like Cash” they advertise.  I have purchased from them before and everything went smoothly.  I paid the balance off in time and had little interest.  However that waswit a different sales person.

The new salesmen “Ben” randomly added $200 to the price after the second payment of $300 was made.  And he lied about the due date of the 90 days.  We bought it on the 15th, the payments were due on the 15th, YET the 90 day offer expired on the 14th.

Yes,  I had my part in the purchase (rental) but right now my feelings matter.  I have been wronged.  And that’s what I am venting.  I will get to the “my part” once I have honored my emotions so as not to repress intense feelings.    I am hurt that I couldn’t help my daughter recover her losses.  It was mostly her money that paid the first 3 payments.  He basically just pulled an extra $200 out of the hat and added it to the bill.  It’s not even in the contract.    People lie all the time.

Greed is one of the worst character flaws there is.  Because with greed people don’t care who they run over to get their money. I myself have been criticized over abundantly about my own writing even though I pointed the finger at no one.  Well this time I am pointing.  I have been slandered and called names for stating my opinion.  And I have been speaking my mind about various issues for years.    Even now there is no one person who I can name to be my beast of burden and blame for all my woes.  That’s not what my truth is about.

In the world on every turn people in business are doing anything they can to steal, manipulate, corrupt, rip-off, falsely promise, steal your identity to make money.  And though it is no crime to be rich and smart it is a moral crime to do it by harming others.

Corporations are destroying our Earth for profit.  Drug companies are poisoning people for profit.  The most needed medicines for sick babies and innocent victims go without the cure because drug companies charge un-thinkable fees for the cure.  Politicians have long ago sold American’s out to foreign owners.  We are owned by China.    Drug commercials make me sick.  They play on our fears of death and the ideas that surround death.

Our American politicians are not stupid.  They knew when they moved all our work overseas we would lose both jobs and integrity. Thanks Jimmy Carter.  What an idiot.   We are exporting all our commerce into other countries while our “$$$-dollars” diminish in value at alarming rates.  We are taxed every way we turn.  Sure, buy gold, well maybe  it can save you.  Basically if we don’t know how to hunt and fish, farm and build we may not survive the coming years.

Not to mention there are classes of people in both white, black, Hispanic, and other cultures in the U.S. who will kill to get what they need when disaster hits.  Looting is a perfect example of the mentality I am referring to   Better have some locks on your doors.  Humans are fucked-up and they turn into vultures when desperation hits.  Our true test as children of God is can we Love through all this dysfunction, fear, and hate?   Can we Love?

Will we do unto others as we would have them do unto us?  Or will we do unto others before they do unto us?  Will we become the monster knocking at the window?

Picture this; what lengths did you yourself go to for drugs when you where dope sick or in withdrawal?  When food becomes in short supply every man women and child will become a jones-ing dope fiend.  People on medications will have it bad.  If there is a food shortage there will also be a drug shortage.

How did I go from getting ripped off by “Acceptance Now” all the way to the apocalypse?  I guess because in my mind the disrespect and hatred has a far reach.  What our country in many ways is doing to us other nations are doing to our country.

Pray for your enemies.  Help those who despite-fully use you.  Feed the hungry, give to the beggar.  Rejoice in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.   Do the will of God and it will be marrow to your bones.

Why Am I an Alcoholic?

Why Are Addicts in so Much Emotional Pain?
Why do addicts seem to have a proclivity towards self destruction?

Why are addicts so inclined to blame others for their own choices?

And the biggie, why do our sponsors teach us to not ask “why”?

Answer number one: I was in so much pain that I needed to numb myself due to a life-time of hiding away my true identity. By hiding intense feelings and thoughts away my pain lived inside me till I finally was taught how to let it all out.

Because of emotional neglect and a lack of spirituality I suffered pain. Notice I said “neglect” not “abuse”. Many alcoholics have good parents who have no idea how to emotionally nurture a child in their formative (young period of development in which our emotional patterns are formed) years. Our parents basically without meaning to, teach us we are bad, wrong, lesser than, and don’t really deserve a good life. At the age of 0-8 we have no idea what true love and caring should look like. I myself did not realize this until the intensive work I did into my past by both group therapy and a brilliant psychologist who had been through the same neglect and tearing down of his self-worth.

Once I believed I was a bad person I reasoned I would prefer to be a good person doing bad things so in an effort to fix myself (subconsciously) I engaged in a life of bad choices. Always struggling for the attention and nurturing my parents were incapable of giving. I started every day from the platform of low self worth. I beat myself up endlessly in hopes that if I punished myself enough I would again be a good person who deserves Love. . I hid myself and my emotions away because I believed they were all bad and wrong. Surly no one would like me if they knew who I really was. There is a deep price to pay for holding in who we really are and how we really feel. A body is not made to repress so many intense feelings. I caught Cancer by the time I was thirty-five partly because of repressing emotions. A large tumor had to be cut from my thigh. I was the great “repressor”. But the “screamers” (those addicts who yell at other people often) who also hide their true selves away, commonly suffer from heart attacks and strokes. ( My doctor’s theory not mine but I experienced that theory first hand.)

You see once I found a drug that numbed that pain it became my best friend. People who don’t have the pain that addicts have simply don’t react to drugs and alcohol the way those in deep emotional pain do. Common sense if you think about it. We are way over-thinking addiction in America. It’s really simple.

I was self-destructive because the fear of living so many years in great pain is a scary thought.

Blame is the most wide spread way of distracting and deflecting the responsibility of what I had done, who I really am and how I really feel. If I am blaming someone else then I don’t have to look at my guilt, shame, pain,fear.

In AA they teach us to not ask why because they themselves have never had the opportunity to answer their own question of “why did I drink and drug, why did I need to numb myself”.

Unfortunately if we don’t look at the “why” behind our addiction then we can never really find a healing.

The program works if we get a God breathed miracle and IF we do an in depth fourth step that brings into the light all of our shame and fear.

If all we do is list our wrongs and not talk about our deep and intense fears, shame, and feelings then the program is just a band-aid. And when the program is just a band-aid you will need that aid the rest of your life, just life so many people preach in AA. That the old timer is just as close to a drink as the newcomer. That’s true if the old timer hasn’t done the work on his core issues of shame, fear, and hurt.


So what are the solutions?

The solutions are to rebuild our self worth and find ways to continually process the way we feel and what we think. Also our childhood fears and intense feelings need to be let out. Journalling, writing, crying, screaming, physical exercise coupled with an emotional out-pouring. If we feel horrible don’t lay down. Take a bat and beat the bed with it. Take a whip and beat a tree with it. Buy a punching bag if your a man and include a diary with your workout. Start writing and find out what is really in your head. WRITE DOWN CORE FEELINGS AND CORE FEARS. THE ONES THAT WOULD EMBARRASS YOU IF THEY WERE DISCOVERED. WRITE DOWN THE WEAK AND VULNERABLE THOUGHTS THAT HAVE HAUNTED YOU FOR YEARS. Then share the ones that are ongoing. We need at least one person we can tell anything to, even if it’s in confessional. Work all the steps in depth including shame, fear, and core child-like thoughts and needs. “I want people to love me” “I am afraid” “I hate myself” “I want my fathers love” “Why won’t Mommy Love me?” Our fourth step needs to work on our wrongs and on our deep emotions. We must rebuild who we are by doing step twelve for many years. Not only do we need to address our core issues to heal but we also need to develop new patterns of behavior. We must take our step three seriously. We need to admit that we don’t trust God or His choices for us. And why would we? Look at our past lives and what we have suffered. We need to get real with God Himself. “If your there show me”. Pray from the heart not from some mantra robot prayer.

Lay on the bed. Put your arms straight out to your sides leaving you vulnerable. Now show God your true heart not hiding or covering any of it. Admit to him you are lost and need help but that you don’t really know if He will help you or if He exists. JUST BE REAL WITH GOD.

Join a home group and make commitments to do stuff that is scary to you. Chair meetings, tell your story at a speaker meeting. Chair more meetings. Go to jails and institutions and share your story again. Do this and keep doing it. Every time your scared of relapse write it down and tell God your not trusting Him again and ask for help. Remember the program works and it’s not you that is healing you it is the program/God which you are working that is healing and keeping you sober. “so your OK and your going to be OK”. Ask your self; am I OK right now? Then that is good enough.

Do fear lists on a regular basis. Then find your part (not trusting God/program) and realize your OK. Do step Eleven regularly with positive affirmations of all the good things you have been doing for your recovery.

You are okay if you perceive that you are. Write an autobiography of the most intense childhood experiences and feelings and share it.

Ask God to remove your character defects. Do no harm. Help others. This is the will of God. Never say negative things about yourself like name calling and putting yourself down in your own head.

Give thanks every day to God….aloud. If you seek a spiritual experience to give yourself the supernatural boost that Bill W himself got then go to places that people seek God. I recommend the Pentecostal church because of the laying on of hands and prayer. I also recommend the Catholic Church because of the confessional. Be Catholic for a day and go to confession. The smaller Catholic Churches will accommodate you that.

Finally-make amends to those you have hurt without expectations of their reciprocation. Use a dictionary. Start learning, Set life goals. Eat right. Exercise. Do not engage in sick relationships anymore. If someone brings out the worst in you then it’s time to move on. Quit reserving a beast of burden to blame for your feelings and actions. No one can process the way you feel except you.

Tall order? Yes. Read the book I wrote for more help to really heal. Not so you can drink again but rather so you won’t want to drink again. You won’t want to change the way you feel because you will feel fine. And sometimes you will feel great. And sometimes you will feel like shit but you won’t hold it inside. If your angry you will beat the bad and write down your feelings. If your hurt by someone you will tell them “I am hurt by what you said.” That is if you want an ongoing relationship with them you must quit acting like a stone wall. You share not so people can fix you No. It is your sharing in itself that will fix you. You need noone to fix you but you do need to start sharing the more intense feelings and thoughts.

Show all people respect. All people.

“Paradise for the Hellbound” a book about change

What does it mean to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT”?


What this means is live your life.  Get up go to work, go to meetings, work with your sponsor, chair meetings, work the steps, take showers, eat food, exercise, have fun and all the rest of the recovery life stuff that we do as members of life and sobriety.  It means don’t let our feelings paralyze us.  Even though we may feel like we are falling from the highest building in existence we don’t let-on.  Even though we feel like a vase ready to crack we put one foot in front of the other and know that if we move a muscle we will change our thoughts.  It doesn’t mean we should repress our feelings.  On the contrary repressing intense feelings will make us sick and eventually kill us.    No we should write down and share our intense feelings courageously.  But in the midst of the greatest fears we have ever felt, we continue to help others and live our life.



Third Step Prayer short version

God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and The way of life.  May I do Thy will always!


We want to choose a god deserving of our faith not an inanimate object that has less power than the man who installed it into the door.  Why not seek God with our heart in prayer?  Seek and we will find.  Could it be our resentment, pain, and hurt is much too deep to even consider seeking a god whom we feel is the reason we have suffered?   Or is our desire to control all things too strong in us to risk relinquishing control?   Our pain and consequences of active addiction must be more intense than our fear of the unknown and giving up control.  

In Narcotics Anonymous it has been said many times and is a popular belief that we may conjure up and name our own Higher Power.  Also members have said, if we want to use a door knob as a HP we can.   They say a door knob will work just as good as if we had one of the well-documented HP’s.  Perhaps the “Doorknob” is the official-unofficial HP of N.A.  But again, a doorknob is not a power greater than any human.

Many people in N.A. have major prejudices against organized religion. It is understandable that if we expect any group of people to be spiritually perfect or to adhere to all that their religion teaches we will automatically consider them hypocrites and not worthy of our respect when they falter, sin, or make a mistake contrary to their perspective rules of thumb. These preconceived type-sets that run deep in the neuron-pathways of our brain will have to be set aside or we won’t find a sponsor that we feel is fit to be our guide. All addicts have character flaws and do all religious people.

The first mention of “God” in the 12 steps of A.A. is in Step Two.  “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”.  When I did step two I believed that my HP “could” restore me to sanity.  However I wasn’t so sure that IT would restore me (if I had ever been sane).  

My own HP is The Father that Jesus spoke of in the days of old.  My other HP is Jesus Himself.  If this pisses you off be sure to put your prejudice on your step four (I did).  Your feelings of resentment are there for a valid reason no doubt.  You were probably wronged by religious people.  However the steps are about releasing the baggage that deep hurt and resentments cause in our heart and soul.  

Anyway personally I also believe there are many other HP’s which could actually be used as a person’s main recovery HP.  And that any of these god’s have the power available to them to keep a person sober when they learn to rely on them.  Christian doctrine would call my beliefs sacrilegious but, oh well.    I didn’t make-up my beliefs concerning Gods.  I learned to seek God and meditated for many years.  I believe that “The Most High God” and creator gave power to many other beings we can call gods.  Gods such as The Moon Goddess, The God of The Sun, and many more to choose from.

Wikipedia 1,000 Higher Powers to choose from


In this article I explain how to really find YOUR higher power by seeking with your heart.  There will be no doubts when God reveals itself to you.

30 Famous Actors and Actresses Who Have Battled Drug Addiction and Alcoholism

Who says sobriety’s not fun?  (two Cougars and a Tigris!)PTDC0010


1. Drew Barrymore

Former child star Drew Barrymore’s drug abuse in her teenage years found her controversial fame, including two trips to rehab that motivated her to get back on track with her career.

2. Mary-Kate Olsen

Mary-Kate Olsen“Full House” actress Mary-Kate Olsen suffered with anorexia and a related cocaine addiction that led her to rehab. The Olsen twins have since designed a $55,000 pill-covered handbag.

3. Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay LohanOnce the adorable child star in the original film, The Parent Trap, Lindsay Lohan has since lost control of her life, including cocaine and alcohol abuse, DUI arrests, jail time and multiple stints in rehab.

4. Tila Tequila

tila-tequila2Bisexual reality dating star Tila Tequila is known for her publicity stunts and drug use.

5. Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton“The O.C.” star Mischa Barton has gotten more press for drug use than for acting. Her DUI and marijuana possession have kept her in the spotlight.



Imagine you are in a relationship for 10 years

Imagine Your in a Relationship for 10 Years
Poll of the Week

Imagine you are in a relationship for 10 years and all is going well.
There is romance, trust and love between you both. Then all the
sudden you meet someone new and you cannot get them off your
mind. There is an unstoppable attraction that is driving you nuts.

Hammock Buddha hails from Japan and he just posed that question
in the polls. The reaction has been nothing short of extraordinary so
please visit the link above to login and kindly share your thoughts!

Find the answers to this question here…click now….


Addicts, Alcoholics and Manipulation


Most humans are skilled in the art of emotional manipulation even if we are unaware of it.  Thing is, we have learned controlling people works better through dishonest means rather than the honest approach.  Unfortunately that makes for sick relationships and a loss of Love.  And let’s face it AA and NA are full of dysfunctional relationships.  Unfortunately sick guidance is rampant in AA but it’s still one of the best ways to get sober.  That is, if you also seek God and get some empathic therapy along with it.  And absolutely read the Big Book for yourself and go to step study and same sex meetings.

One reason we do the 12 steps is so we can become aware of our character patterns both healthy and unhealthy.  Oftentimes active addicts have enablers who help us get our much desired dope and money.  We may feel reliant on enablers for something.  Therefore we often feel we must handle our enablers in a way they will react and behave as we want them to.  We are skilled in the art of getting a desired reaction from our “foe” per-say.

Controlism- The using addicts Creed

Maybe we engage in manipulation just so we can feel ‘in control’.  When we feel in control life isn’t so scary and we are not so afraid.  Good luck getting most recovering addicts to admit they are afraid. One reason it’s so hard to recover in AA is the rampant emotional denial and the false humility that goes on.  Members mistake cutting themselves down verbally for humility.  And they mistake cutting down the newcomer for 12 step service work.   How can I recover when no one admits their true feelings aloud.  I might sit in meetings feeling like the only one who is scared to death of delving into a sober life having no idea of what’s what’s around the next corner.  Dysfunction is the counterfeit for peace of mind.  We don’t have as many fears if we are playing God.   Now that we are sober we don’t need tangible items (money and dope) from our prey but rather some emotional reactions to make us feel ok.  I have read that even serial killers and child molesters use “emotional fishing” to choose their victims.  They throw out a “needy” or “vulnerable” type line and then watch for their desired response from a potential victim.

One way to manipulate is to hand over power by either acting weak and incapable or by requesting that our enabler make our choices and decisions for us.  As an AA sponsor, it’s imperative that our sponsee make his own choices, in making the right choice he builds his much needed self esteem, as he sees the good result of his healthy choices piling up.  Gaining a sense of accomplishment and setting goals in recovery is vital.  That is why we only “suggest” what newcomers should do for their recovery.  We should be a teacher not take control and oppress.  A sponsee does the “next right thing ” and reaps the benefits of it both emotionally and spiritually.  The 12 steps are based in good principles.  When we act according to these good principles we build our inner spirit-man.

When the manipulator hands the enabler power, in the mind of that manipulator the enabler now feels powerful and “better than” because they have the opportunity to dole out perfect instructions to the the co-da and “not so smart” manipulator.   In the mind of the manipulator: “now the enabler likes me, and will give me what I want, and he will like to be around me cause I made him feel powerful”.  Hence handing out power by an expression of my own vulnerability, ignorance, or incapability is the manipulators way of controlling a foe enabler. To take it to a deeper level (which most people have a problem with) The manipulator needs to manipulate people also, because they really don’t feel they are worth being loved by anybody either.  We have been taught this, usually by an adult in our formative years.

I have a house guest, this morning he said, “When I make coffee, I just pour fresh coffee on top of day old coffee grounds left in the pot. I don’t want to waist anything” he says.  My reaction was unplanned and I didn’t realize until that moment I was being primed as his emotional enabler.  He is truly wasting the coffee I bought anyway because he adds entirely too much water (every time he visits he does this).  He knows I won’t drink his weak-ass coffee anyway so I just pour what he made in the thermos and make my own.  I have long given up on requesting that he not add so much water to it.  Every night I throw away a thermos full of the watered down expensive coffee I paid for and he made.  Because he insists on making it weak and using enough water for a household of 10 coffee drinkers.  So, he pours fresh coffee on top of old grounds, which sat out all night rotting. He is still throwing my hard earned money down the drain.  I am not sure if he is trying to piss me off or if he wants another lecture on how to NOT waist coffee.  Or maybe he is really an idiot, however I don’t think so.  What the man wants is someone to do any emotional co-dependent dance with him.  And today I am not participating.  He has no idea he is casting a line my way and I often don’t realize I am biting a fishing line with a sick hook in it.

It’s the habit of my husbands old friend to be in the state of Chaos and disaster over his security ($) when he comes down to spend a week or so in my house.  He begs that everyone tell him “it’s going to be ok” over and over and over.  But the thing is, he is a dry drunk sober 12 years in which time he has been to 3 AA meetings.  He prides himself on getting sober all by himself not needing any help.  Ironically, asking for true and authentic help is his poison (in his mind) he has a strong aversion to it.  Ironically the counterfeit to being humble enough to ask for true help is handing out power where we don’t really need it (help me make my choices for me and I won’t follow your advice anyway).  I recognize that type of handing over power because it was my key manipulation when I was emotionally sick.  With the counterfeit handing over of power I can snatch it back at any moment.   I choose leaving the foe enabler empty and powerless no longer entitled to make my choices or solve my disasters for me.


“Bring Me the Horizon’s” Oli Sykes Interviews and Video

OLI SYKES: “Bollocks” to addiction’s, political correctness
I will be candid.  I never heard of this guy or his band “Bring me the Horizon’s”until today however, I like the way he thinks.  And what this title means (Bollocks) in England’s terminology is basically; “Screw addiction’s political correctness”

YES!  A man after my own heart.  He does not see addiction as a disease…for him anyway.  And even better he calls for a  “celebration of depression.”  He isn’t saying that depression is great and we should all band together and pray for more of it.  No, rather he is saying feel your feelings rather than trying to chronically fend them off and repress.  We need no longer fear our feelings but rather let them flow through us.  To do that we must accept them.  I can relate!  This theory is the foundation of healing.  Maybe that is why he doesn’t see addiction as a disease because he realizes YOU CAN HEAL AND MOVE ON.

Picture this, a large Martini glass 6ft tall, green olive, plastic sword, and lots of Vodka and Vermouth.  On the rim is me in a pink tutu, doing a balancing act.   A long balancing pole and 12 meetings a week are the only thing preventing my decent into the poignant liquid by which I would get an instant intoxication followed by a 12 hour ride to the same place I left on my sobriety date ten years ago.   SCREW THE DISEASE CONCEPT sorry folks I am not buying that pig to market.  Granted, disease is a safe concept for the first oh___say 6 or 7 years of healing but after that…if I still need 4 meetings a week then I have not learned to live the program of 12 steps and have barked I mean balked at outside help.  Please allow yourself to cry all the tears you stuffed down all those years of addiction.  Yes I am saying crying for two or three years pretty regularly, share, journal, make a God box  basically allow yourself some emotional diarrhea to heal.  Your heart is not a tough girl.

Oliver Sykes

The Interview on Video SEE HERE from APTV’s Ryan J. Downey

Musician Oli Sykes speaks about his critics- “They want you to say what’s in line with what their experience is like.  They say like, “How dare you say drug addiction is not a disease.”  I am telling you, it’s NOT, that’s what I think.  Addiction is not a disease!”  says Oli Sykes, perturbed that people are offended by his own experience.  He shared how he overcame his addiction to drugs and some people were offended because he believes addiction is NOT a disease.

Band “Bring Me the Horizon’s” Oli Sykes on Depression and Inspiration from Louis C.K.

Oliver says; “People have become so scared just to be alone with their feelings and their thoughts. And I realized that, for me, a massive part in sorting myself out was accepting what I’m feeling and just sort of letting myself experience it.  the whole album’s about the celebration of depression—not saying, ‘Yeah, it’s a good thing to be depressed,’ but that it’s better to accept depression rather than trying to block out the darkness. It’s about accepting it, accepting who you are, and accepting what life is.”



It’s Time.

On October 4, 2015 in Washington, DC more than 600 organizations from around the world will gather in a show of solidarity and collective force. Together we can help the 22 million Americans with addiction, stand up for the 23 million more in recovery, and urgently act to save the 350 lives lost each day. The free event will feature live musical performances from Joe Walsh, Steven Tyler, Sheryl Crow, The Fray, Jason Isbell, Aloe Blacc, John Rzeznik and more!

A Non-Theists View of AA

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE ARTICLE “The God of Coincidence.” TAKEN FROM AAagnostica website

According to the AAagnostica website most AAs believe in “a god of coincidence”  because God reveals It’s power in what seem to be coincidences yet AAs believe there are no coincidences.  Therefore when things happen just the way they are supposed to apparently God is working in our lives.

Tom P writes:       “The dominant AA creed I have found in meetings and in the Grapevine is that there is a God who is always with us, watching us, and He sometimes arranges coincidences that have good outcomes, or, if something bad happens, He allows it to happen in order to teach us important lessons, or because it leads to personal growth. ”          Yet, it seems that if members’ wish to belong to the AA club they adopt the dominant AA creed of the “God of Coincidence.” How else can you explain that otherwise intelligent and savvy people would discount the obvious explanation that coincidences are inevitable, and positive coincidences are more likely for those who are drug-free, grateful, willing, and working to overcome their selfishness. Just as members of a church accept the sect’s religious teachings in order to belong, and show this acceptance by professing their faith, members of AA seem to look for positive happenstances in their lives, and attribute them to God in order to (unconsciously of course) cement their feeling that they truly belong with AA      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Member and Author Tom P calls himself a “non-theist” What is a non-theist?

Theist: God exists.
Nontheist: Prove it.

Seems that the Atheists just want to fit in and be a part of.  But the word “God” in the steps is eating their lunch.  And so they are fighting to start a group or a ‘sect’ of AA that isn’t rittled with mentions of God and The Higher Power.

One quote from AAagnostica site is this the  Definition of “Religion”:  “The biggest lie in human history. It has been responsible for more deaths in more wars than any.”

Tom P also wrote:

“Yet, we also want people to discover and embrace their true selves, and for some of us adopting the God of Coincidence, or labeling anything as a “Higher Power,”would be a self-betrayal. I love AA, it saved my life, and I have no Higher Power.”

Tom P. is a physician who spent twenty years working in mental health. Tom sees no evidence that the universe cares whether the Earth or us homo sapiens are here or not, but he also thinks that AA demonstrates the great good humanity can do when we hold hands, unite and take some responsibility for one another.

Tom also says:

“I wish I did not have to talk-around the Higher Power issue when I am sharing in meetings, to hide a part of myself. But then again, it has not been too hard for me to do. I have had a lifetime of practice.”

From the author:

Thanks to everybody for your positive comments. While I go to AA meetings, I actually feel more at home
and nurtured in Al-Anon. Among other things, there is less crosstalk, less fundamentalism, and a better
adherence to the principle of “take what
you want and leave the rest.” I don’t know if it will work for you, but it works for me.

I admit it still stings a little whenever the God issue comes up in meetings.   I have as much a need to belong as anybody does. One has to be careful, as some AAs will prompt you to just ignore feelings like this. Thankfully, I also have Adult Children of Alcoholics, where I can accept my feelings whatever they are, and get to know my true self.


Comment Next comment Chris G on September 27, 2015 at 4:11 pm said: Mostly there is some parroting of “My HP guides me…” and so on, but I don’t engage.



The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly…all of it.  Please don’t white wash A.A.  If Alcoholics Anonymous was perfect I would not fit in.


I truly believe that if it were not for AA I would not be sober or sane today. This is my anniversary month and I want to express how grateful I truly am for the program. Please, Gainesville AA; gratitude is a state of mind and a feeling not an action. I will not go “gratituding” (if gratitude were an action word the ing would be correct.)   I will express my gratitude by doing some 12th step service work. Ok yes this is one of my pet peeves about Gainesville AA.    The PIRATE DICTIONARY by which they feel they can redefine parts of the English language.   Leave it to a bunch of addicts to assert the audacity to refute the scholars and masters of the English language.

However I am making a point here. In spite of all the little errors and cultish beliefs of AA members the program works. In spite of the fact that my own sponsor has stalked her boyfriend to the gates of insanity. In spite of the fact that most AAers are working hard on smoking themselves to death with cigarettes, still I salute you. And in spite of the fact that the majority of members reek of codependency the program still works!

The 12 steps are still ordained of God and set down as a solution for the sick and suffering. In spite of the fact that Bill W. spent countless years suffering from depression and engaging in infidelity.  THE PROGRAM WORKS AND IT HAS SAVED Mine AND COUNTLESS LIVES.
The question that I personally had to ask myself as I stumbled into the rooms was “What do I need and can I get it here”. That answer was yes these people obviously knew and know how to stay sober and I desperately needed that.

So, I hung in there with that character defect ridden sponsor as she took the time to spoon feed me the solutions I so desperately needed.  And I watched as she kept herself sober by the 12 Steps of AA.  And she picked up her own 10 year medallion years ago. I hung in with years of meetings and worked the 12 steps over and over year in and year out until I knew and worked recovery as a way of life. I taught others, I made suggestions and I shared in countless meetings, jails and rehabs.

I had a knack for speaking and I could present the steps like a pro. In AA you can learn and practice public speaking in front of hundreds of listeners free of charge.  I loved it!  I didn’t come to AA looking for perfection I came looking for a solution to my self destructive life patterns.

So, now as I approach my tenth year sober without a hit of crack cocaine, or a shot of heroin I still balk at the cultish dogma.   And I sometimes sneer at the non-empathic beat-downs going on between members. I look on as my brothers and sisters that I love stay sober and do a little bitching themselves about certain aspects of the program.

One of the most brilliant counselors and longtime members in the program that has helped thousands upon thousands by his knowledge and ability to characteristically share wrote a book called “The Lies Told in AA”. Does that mean that he will walk away from the program because it is now full of imperfect people? HELL NO!

We must get outside help where we can, where we fit in. People do get sober in church, I did that myself one time for several years BUT the thing is, I never really fit in there like I do in AA. Church people are very much like program people.   As a matter of fact church people appear to have that same empty black hole in their soul that they must fill with God to be OK.

We AAers have that in common with the church folks.  Best if you are trying to stay sober to go to church, AA, AND THERAPY.  Go in spite of the imperfections that are part of the human condition.

Go and get your psychic change my friend because you have earned your seat and its empty and waiting for you. So thank you AA , therapy, church and my own Higher Power for saving my life so I can engage in my own character defects, growing old, and the joys of life that sobriety has most definitely brought me.



This is not an anti A.A. website, please randomly read any article and you will see that.  However XXX Anonymous is a friend of RFH and we have allowed her to vent in an article.  If you have some helpful feedback please post it at the bottom of the article.



My name is XXX Anonymous and I am an alcoholic.  I have struggled to stay sober for years.  I have tried and tried beating myself up all along the way.  Once I got ten years sober from an intense born-again spiritual experience in a church.  Well I am still born-again and love Christ but I have relapsed 8 times since that experience.  I am not trying to compare which is better church or AA because I have learned that 2 good things are 2 good things.  They don’t cancel each other out and they are not in a race or competition.  I also learned that the 3 things people use to stay sober are spirituality in what-ever way we can get it, therapy, and AA.  I do know that health issues can keep a person sober and “relationships” sometimes work.


I got sober this time on April 18, 2015.  I know for a fact that I have exactly 100 days sober or 3 months 9 days sober, or  0.27 years sober due to the sobriety calculator on this site.  Big deal!  I do hate myself for not having more clean time!!!!  Well this is what happened.

I got a sponsor who helped me so much that I had nearly a year sober.  I brought her to my house and introduced her to my family and husband.  Come to find out she has a lesser secondary addiction called “SEX ADDICTION“.  Which okay  I don’t judge her for that but It really hurt me that my sponsor betrayed me like that.   I did fire her and get a new one.
Condemnation from my fellows

So I worked through the betrayal and then my doctor who knows I am an addict put me on a medication for pain.  I had a bad accident and the pain was causing me to stay in bed.  When I told one or two of my friends in the program about it they told others and then the whole group knew. (another betrayal)   If that wasn’t bad enough a women confronted me when I picked up my medallion.   She said “your not sober your on the prescription drug bla bla bla”.  I had no idea that drug addicts are known to abuse the drug my doctor put me on.


I get tired of so many people in meetings pretending that their lives are the picture of serenity.  They never have any problems or struggles or emotional issues.  They get sober and then all is well and perfect.  That’s not the way that it is for me.  And I don’t believe it is for them either.  I know normal people who have day to day struggles.  I know alcoholics that have day to day struggles why do they think they have to portray a perfect life?  That makes me feel lesser than.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.   And I feel like the way that I work the 12 step program must be wrong because I do have difficulties and temptations and sad days and stress and anxiety.  Yes I have good days too and lots of them sober but I didn’t join AA so I could be a social icon who everyone wishes they were because I am perfect.  ridiculous that’s why I appreciate Recovery Farmhouse because it portrays real life recovery not some fake bullshit perfect life.  Work the steps once then its happy joyous and free all the time, right?


Really?  The AA club I go to acts like if you ever get a resentment then you failed your test in recovery, you got an ‘F’ on your sobriety report card.  But really in real life everybody gets pissed off at people and has to pray for them until the resentment is finally gone.  So why do so many members want to make AA a place where you can’t be honest about short-comings or you will be dis-fellowshiped or labelled as spiritually un-fit?

That’s it.  These are the reasons I resent AA at the moment.  My sponsor says you can’t get recovery while you look down your nose at it.  She says pray for everyone and do a fourth step to figure out why I am mad at myself and God.


I still go to meetings.  I won’t stop because it’s the best thing I can do to stay sober and work the steps.  I keep  meeting new people so eventually maybe I will find people who don’t portray perfection and the perfect life.  Because in A,A. seems there are two types of people.  Perfect people, and totally worthless people.  Right now you see my problem?  These people don’t know the definition of balance.



I want to thank Laura Edgar for publish this article on her website.  She said that all aspects of A.A. are allowed on this website and no one will be excluded as long as they are in alignment with the “singleness of purpose” declaration which is “the only requirement for membership IS a desire to stop drinking.”  And to “carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”  Thank God that Bill and Bob knew better than to make a bunch of membership requirements.  They were the right men for the job weren’t they,

By XXX Anonymous


Restless, Irritable, and Discontent

It’s Normal and Common To be Sad In Recovery For No Apparent Reason

Well the common consensus in AA is if your not happy, joyous, and free then it’s your own fault.  Your obviously not working the program right or you would be ecstatic with joy at least most of the time, right?  On the contrary,  many of us are so desperate to allow some of our long repressed grief to escape that we will latch-on to any sorrowful event no matter how far removed from us it really is, just to have something “valid” in the eyes of our fellows to grieve about. Please I need to let out some of this repressed emotional pain!

Someone dies in the program and we don’t even know them much more than a distant hello, but it’s an opportunity for a “valid” expression of grief so we grab onto it with the rest of our home-group who barely knew the guy.  Hey, maybe some of the people really are sad the fellow died…but I kinda doubt it.


In this human life there are many things to grieve over.  Sickness, disease, loneliness, emotional disorder, loss.  Please be kind to yourself.  If your heart is screaming to cry, we must not turn it to anger and criticism it does not get released or healed that way.    Rather, we have the steps to help us to be restored to emotional balance and peace of mind.

Quality emotional sobriety has many faces and sadness for no apparent reason is one of them.  Your not in recovery if you don’t feel hurt and sad or scared for no apparent reason.    Most of the people telling us we are supposed to be happy all of the time have no idea what emotional balance really looks or feels like.  Crying is a healthy emotion.  Grieving is a healthy emotion and there does not have to be a death for us to feel real grief.  Especially in recovery because many of us didn’t grieve or feel our pain while in addiction.  We stuffed it down and now that we are sober it is surfacing.  We may need to grieve when there is seemingly nothing going on except the fact that we are recovering from an emotional trauma. 

I am validating you now.  It’s OK to grieve when no one has died.  It’s OK to cry when we see no apparent reason.  We should honor our feelings.  Honor our heart when it talks to us.  We do not let our feelings rule over us or paralyze us.  but neither do we continue to ignore, deny, invalidate our own hearts cry.


Healthy grieving will prevent morbid reflection because it gets the pain out.  Morbid reflection is when the negative tape won’t stop playing in our head.  Doing a fourth step on recurring memories works fabulously as does revisiting our Step 3.  “That’s right, God has my back and I am forgiven”.

To grieve, we cry, we write, we share our feelings with someone who WON’T SHUT US DOWN OR INVALIDATE OUR PAIN.  We grieve to the emphatic person who understands and won’t call our grieving a character defect like self-pity. A good cry can release many relaxing endorphin and the vital chemical dopamine.  A good cry can put our brain chemicals back on track.

Our Brain Will Heal

Don’t believe for a minute that your brain can’t be healed and create it’s own endorphin and dopamine.  I have read and heard it said but my experience is that feel good chemicals can go into over-drive in recovery.  Cut down on your smoking for a day or two and then see what happens when you do have say 4 cigarettes a day.  OMG!  Not to mention sex and orgasms are always best in early recovery from my experience.

If you don’t get the 2016 red Ford Mustang that you wanted and are throwing a hissy fit over it, well that would be self-pity.  but if you are feeling deep emotional pain and sorrow yet nothing is going on then write.  The core issues will surface.  Often when an emotional trauma from the past is surfacing we will have a recurring memory attached to the pain.  Normally we cast the thought aside but we should explore the thought instead.  Recurring memories are signalling us to do some work in that area of our past.  Were we wronged?  If it’s a memory from our childhood we should picture ourselves as a child, not as an adult who says “get over it!”  When we picture ourselves as a child then we have more understanding toward our feelings and what we may have gone through at a young age.  Then we can allow ourselves to cry over it.  We were harmed.  We were neglected emotionally.  Our parents most likely had no idea how to emotionally nurture us.  It doesn’t mean they didn’t love us dearly.

We can’t heal while we stay in defensive mode


If we stay defensive of everything and every one we will never get to our core issues because we will be too busy trying to shoot down any semblance of guilt in us or the adults who raised us.  We cannot see clearly when we are too busy holding walls up around us which are blocking our view of truth.  Truth is our healer.  Truth is our friend.  Unlike our past, in recovery the lie becomes the enemy and truth becomes our protector.  The lie doesn’t protect us it harms us.  Character defects do not protect us from others but rather they shut out Love and Truth which are the magic gifts of recovery.  Truth and Love are spiritual gifts, they are magic.

I used to think that character defects hurt others.  That if I engaged in them it would hurt other people.  But character flaws hurt me first and foremost.

Please self-pity is not the same as valid emotion.  Self-pity is pouting over not getting our way.  I know it is so similar to authentic pain of loss that many AA’s really don’t know the difference.  But if you do the journalling you will quickly find out what is really going on with your heart.  Many times the pen is like magic.  It reveals our reasons for grief and sadness.


Being afraid is part of the human condition and that’s why there is a “fear list” (Which most members don’t even include in their fourth step) included in the fourth step, and don’t forget your sexual inventory.  Please don’t believe the steps are only done one time and then the work is over.  A fourth step should be done every time we get a taste of misery, deep emotional pain and resentment.  AA is strong in dealing with our own faults and wrongs.  But many of us have suffered whether at the hand of a loving or a cruel adult.  So if we have no resentment attached to our pain then we write down the even, what happened, and how it made us feel.  We can use an empty chair and imagine our assailant or abuser is in that chair.  Then we tell them how they made us feel.  We can write them a letter that we need not send.  But the letter will relieve us of boxed in feelings toward the person.

After all…its hard for me to imagine a child with a healthy emotional rearing to resort to self-destruction and self-hate and loathing because of their wonderful childhood.  If you don’t know the ‘why’ you became an addict you are missing a large part of what recovery is.

Many times a simple look at our family tree will answer many questions for us.

The question “why” is the beginning of knowledge and knowledge is the primary tool linking us to wisdom.


Is AA Really Spiritual NOT Religious

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

– Aldous Huxley

While our pre-conceived notions are ripped to shreds by Linda R’s factual, and informative article we may take solace in the truth that our rock, AA IS A SPIRITUAL PROGRAM.   This, in spite of the high courts multiple rulings that AA is in fact a religious program.   “Spirituality” is not a contradiction of religion.  And religion does not mean non-spiritual and bad.   One thing for certain, in A.A. we choose, seek, and find our own Higher Power.  Whether it’s by our sponsor introducing God to us or by receiving a revelation and white light experience through prayer and meditation or we simply reconnect with the God of our parents we still make a choice of who our Higher Power is.   Our AA belief system is very different from dogmatic religion in that way.

However, the question has arisen in some of the highest courts of our nation whether or not A.A. is religious.  And it has come up for good reason, the separation of church and state.  Parolees do not want to be forced into a religious AA program  against their constitutional rights.  This separation of church and state is a fundamental aspect of US law, known as the Establishment Clause, and is explicated in the first amendment to the US Constitution, which states

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

By Linda R.

Inside AA, one hears members frequently repeat the well-known phrase “AA is spiritual, not religious.” AA takes pride in saying it’s not religious. But what do outsiders, such as the court systems, think about AA’s claim?

In the ten year period between 1996 and 2007, five high-level US courts — three federal circuit courts and two state supreme courts – did take a long and hard look at AA’s claim. Each of these cases involved a person who was being forced to participate in AA meetings, either as a condition of their parole or probation, or while actually incarcerated. These cases reached the highest level of judiciary scrutiny — only one level below the US Supreme Court — because they involved the critical issue of separation of Church and State. This separation is a fundamental aspect of US law, known as the Establishment Clause, and is explicated in the first amendment to the US Constitution, which states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

The parolees, probationers and inmates in each of these cases claimed that the State was using its power to force them to participate in a religious activity. They claimed that AA meetings were religious. Thus, their required attendance was a violation of the Establishment Clause, which requires governmental neutrality with respect to religion and a wall of separation between Church and State.

read more from “” by Linda R.

The Four Stages of Early Sobriety

From “The Adventures of Sober Senorita”



This is not a “Recovery Farmhouse” original article.  But it’s a very interesting topic for recovery.  Pretty sure you can find the writer’s name somewhere at the link of the sober senority.

Lately I’ve been receiving a ton of messages and emails from my readers about early sobriety. I realize that many of us contemplate sobriety for months, or even years, before we decide to take the leap and make a change. Before we do, we want to know exactly what it’s going to be like and what’s going to happen when we get sober. I’m sure that’s why a lot of you read my blog in the first place. You want to know – is getting sober possible? Is it enjoyable? What is everyday life going to be like? Well, to briefly answer those questions, early sobriety is different from years of sobriety, as I am quickly learning at 2 years and 3.5 months sober. I think early sobriety can easily be broken down into 4 realistic stages which I will detail for you below…….READ MORE

Trust in God – Sharon’s Story about Crystal Meth Addiction Recovery

More from   This is the link to all 12 of the videos that the Mormon channel has recently put out.  They are getting allot of attention in the press.  Apparently they are very down to earth real stories of real people, their bottom and their recovery from all different kinds of addiction.

Here’s the link to the really good and helpful video. FOOD FOR THOUGHT AA EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY TOM P


We must never give up hope.  In all things give thanks.  I have been ungrateful for the things I have.  For that I repent, where does that get me other than anger and resentment.  And so once again I accept that God is in charge and I trust, trust, trust, that He, She, It, has my best interests at heart.

Frank Duffy’s Poem “DEPRESSION”

See more of Franks poems here:  FRANK DUFFY’S POEMS


I woke up with my friend depression
I went to see my therapist for a skull session
He asked me do you have any aggression
I told him aggression is not my only obsession
Without a profession its easy to get caught in any obsession
So when I am feeling blue I try to be happy and think of you
But my old friend depression is very sly
Sometimes it wont even let me try
But I am not giving up, I will not die
I will keep on going I am going to try
There is always hope if I don’t give in
As long as I don’t pick up booze and dope!
I will not die, so my old friend depression
Why do you even try





Why would people who need help so badly run from the very program that has helped so many with the same malady? Without the ingredient of ‘desperation’ the alcoholic addict will try anything except giving up and signing over power to a sponsor and A.A.
What would keep me from being teachable?
1. FALSE PRIDE AND SHAME-, False pride tells me that if I don’t know literally EVERYTHING then I am stupid, wrong, and bad. False pride says that only the most brilliant people are qualified to teach me anything. Working the steps and getting a sponsor curtails the lies my psyche is telling me to keep me sick.
2. . TRUST ISSUES Clearly I can’t get a sponsor because everyone is out to get me. The world revolves around my belly button therefore the world wants to know my fifth step and if I get a sponsor, he will sell tickets to the opening night show. “Mickey’s Fifth Step on Parade”. Yikes! However, realize this; there are only so many deadly sins. Seven to be exact. Most people’s step five are pretty much the same…boring sex, wrath, thieving, and the like.
3. FEAR OF COMMITMENT Omg! In my past addiction I made so many appointments that I could not keep. I am now gun-shy of commitment. I use words like ‘maybe’, ‘probably’, ‘most likely’ but never ‘yes I will be there’. Commitment is hard for me because of my past failures to keep them. The good news is now I am so desperate to get sober that I WILL KEEP MY APPOINTMENTS WITH MY SPONSOR NO MATTER WHAT. In addition, by doing that I am walking through the fear and building my self-worth. I am working the good principles and that magically feeds recovery to my soul.
4. FEAR OF BEING CONTROLLED BY OTHERS I used to hand over power to my partners to make them feel good so I could get what I wanted from them. After they made my choices for me (so I would not have to fear the outcome), they would put me on a time clock. Where are you going? What time will you be back? Whom are you going with? etc., etc. After a while, I would snatch back the power I had turned over. My codependent dance partner would then suffer from intense anger and lash out at me as if I had done something terrible. Won’t a sponsor do the same thing? Won’t the same sick dance take place? Fortunately not. Sponsors know we only suggest, we do not control our sponcees. We suggest to them what worked for us. It is my choice whether I do what is suggested therefore I reap the good consequences of my new actions.
5. ‘FEAR OF RELIGION’ . Religion told me that I am bad and going to Hell. I believed it. I was young and innocent yet they told me of a place of suffering and despair. Moreover, since I was bad, spilled my milk, and made an F on my report card they said I would surely be sent to the lowest pit in the underground skyscraper called “Hell”. I cannot bear to be terrorized by religious views anymore. AA must not be religious, we are a spiritual program. Step 11 proves that we are a spiritual not religious program of choice. There is no Hell in our Big Book.
6. THE FEELING I AM GOING TO LOSE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. My addict is scared to death of not having the drugs that worked to suppress my fears and emotional pain for so long. NOW MY DOPE HAS STOPPED WORKING. I have hit a brick wall. I drank and drugged repeatedly so many times I nearly killed myself. Therefore, I walk through the fear and distrust. I muddle though the past betrayal, I walk in the rooms, shrouded in shame and I say with all my heart; I am Mickey and I want to change, I can’t go on like I am, please show and teach me how to recover.



If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.  We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.  Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?  We think not.  They are being fulfilled among us____sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  They will always materialize if we work for them.


Read a similar article by Martha Lockie)

Tom B “Emotional Sobriety”

Tom B video on Emotional Sobriety and Recovery from Alcoholism
Published on May 28, 2013
Awesome share by one of the best AA speakers, Tom B. This is perhaps the BEST talk on the topic of “emotional sobriety” I have ever heard! MUST LISTEN! 🙂 From the book Alcoholics Anonymous: “In spite of the great increase in the size and span of this Fellowship, at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.”

Here’s the link to the really good and helpful video. Tom B AA Video

12 Steps and (the right) Therapy Go Hand In Hand

Thank God for AA and Empathic Therapy

“We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. …But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. … though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.” [Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, p. 133]



Me and a group of recovering addicts/alcoholics had the opportunity to participate in group therapy from a brilliant ground-breaking therapist and writer in the field of “Trauma and Recovery”.   Randall Mayrovitz is employed at Meridian Healthcare, Bridgehouse Rehabilitation Center.  The  therapy took place in 2006, our little group of women are still to this day sober and very much emotionally healed.  And thanks to the 12 step program spiritually fed.  Our commonality besides addiction is we women had suffered from abuse and neglect, of different types and different extents.

Please, we all love AA and still go on the most part.  We believe deeply in the working of the steps.  However, each of us women believe in our heart of hearts that without learning what Randy taught us in group, we would not have made it.  The pain was much too deep to be healed by looking only at “our part” in matters.

Learning our own patterns of dysfunction was a large part of recovery.  But do we shut down the tears of a five year old who is black and blue from the fist of a parent?   Do we send him off with an assignment to write down his part in the abuse?  An abused child now an adult does not grown out of needing comfort, care, and an understanding and loving hand to say,  “I feel your pain, its safe to cry.”   An abused child suffers and until that child is taught a way to heal they will be sick and continue to suffer.  Outside issue you say?  Well in some ways yes.  But also for us it is the issue.  Causes and conditions, the reason we (not all) drank and drugged was to bury feelings we could not bear.  Addiction is a shame based malady with fear at the helm and anger spewing from the rudder.  If addiction were or is solely a spiritual malady then we must all have a demon dwelling in us.  For us spirituality is the remedy but the sickness is very much emotional coupled with a lack of spirituality.  In my opinion.



We come together as survivors of painful life experience seeking a place to heal our wounds.  We’ve reached a point in our recovery where interventions aimed at symptomatic relief no longer satisfy us.  We recognize the revolving door of symptom substitution and feel the weight of something deeper.

While our symptoms and circumstances may vary, the end product of our trauma is the same: frozen feelings bottled inside because it was too unsafe to feel.  It was our natural inborn impulse to express these feelings in order to heal and grow.  Their suppression has created a powerful negative energy, driving us to emotional, physical, and spiritual illness and destructive behaviors.

Through each other’s empathic support and understanding, we hope to be able to restore our life flow, the inner force that guides us toward vitality and well being, compelling us to feel our darkest pain in order to recapture our deepest pleasure.  In so doing, we will slowly render unhealthy coping mechanisms useless, giving expression to old and new feelings and healing our wounds one piece at a time.

I will be publishing more from the Empathic Healing Workbooks that we were given at Bridgehouse

The Healing Journey

Embracing The Storm

Empathic Relashionships


Start by including God in your recovery, pray pray pray.  Give thanks and ask for guidance and help.

If I can’t stay sober long enough to go to a meetings then go to detox and rehab for a minimum of 30 days.

90 meetings in 90 days to jump-start my recovery.

Do a daily meditation reading in the morning

End your day with prayer and thanks

Get a sponsor keep asking till someone says yes.

Do at least one thing every day for my recovery.

Take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth to become teachable.

Work the 12 steps with a sponsor out of the 12 and 12 book but start with prayer.

Read the Big Book and go to step study meetings

God to gender meetings

Start chairing meetings at 30 days sober.

Call someone in recovery every day and tell them how I am doing

Go to the jails and tell my story

Go to detox and rehab and tell my story.

Call my sponsor

Get a support group going on-you can acquire one by going to rehab and joining group discussion therapy.  Or reaching out in AA and getting phone numbers.   Keep calling people till they answer.

Go over in meditation all the good things you are doing for your recovery.

start a meeting

go to a business meeting and vote

Join a committee and be a group representative of some sort.

Be kind to yourself, no more speaking unkindly to yourself or self criticisms.  You are doing the best you can with what you have been given.  Do a family tree and you will realize you have been hard on yourself.

Keep it simple

Play it through (before you do drink remember where it will take you all the way till the next days hangover, regret and remorse.)

Join a AA Facebook group


Sober Relationships (part 2) A Man’s Perspective

Relationships and Early Recovery by Fred Hundt


When I came into recovery, carried into the Psych Ward for my threats against myself and others, I felt as alone as I’d ever been in my life.  My girlfriend was done with me, I’d alienated most of my friends and my main relationship problem was that I didn’t have any.  I had to face the fact that, for the first time in my life, no one was going to “rescue” me.  I had to face my addiction and my demons and I needed to accept help honestly rather than manipulating people and situations.


In early sobriety I heard the AA maxim of not getting into a new relationship for at least a year.  I didn’t understand it then, but listened to my sponsor’s advice to take things slowly, earning my way back into my girlfriend’s life with my behaviors, not promises.  He also warned me against turning meeting camaraderie with women in the program into anything more. 


Looking back, I’m grateful for the AA approach and my sponsor’s “Easy Does It” advice.  In early sobriety I needed to build a relationship with me.  I’d been avoiding myself through alcohol for years.  I had to learn to face myself, spend time with myself and, eventually, even begin to like myself.  I also needed to build a close working relationship with my Higher Power.  I learned to talk to my HP through daily prayer, to connect through meditation and to listen to the quiet voice of Spirit within.  Building those two relationships was a full time job…I couldn’t have given them the attention they needed if I had been involved in a romantic relationship.


I watch newcomers in the rooms get involved in relationships and I see the roller coaster rides they take.  I remember that in my early sobriety I needed less drama, not more.  I’d had plenty of it in my last few drinking years.  I needed the calm and quiet of those months to learn about serenity and how to achieve and maintain it in my life.


Part of what I realized about myself in early recovery is that I was a “taker,” not a “giver.”  As much as I tried to wrap my behavior in noble motives, I had always looked at relationships entirely from the point of view of what I could get from them.  I always expected that the “next” woman would save me, would make things all right.  When that didn’t happen, I pulled away.  I usually didn’t even have the courage to break up.  I would just make myself emotionally unavailable until she broke up with me.  That allowed me to play the victim or the martyr.  I didn’t know how to have an honest relationship!  If I had pursued a new relationship in early recovery, I’m certain that I would have defaulted back to my old behavior.  Falling back in the part of my life would have risked relapse, too.


Over months (and years) of sobriety, parts of the program began to sink in.  I began to learn humility and thought of myself less.  I began to focus on how I could serve others without expecting anything in return.  I learned that I could be honest with my Higher Power and with the people in my life.  Today I have a wonderful relationship with the woman who had “written me off” that night I went to the Psych Ward.  I’m grateful each day for the opportunity to serve her and for the simple joy it brings me.  I can’t give anyone else relationship advice, but can share that the AA program has worked for me in this and all areas of my life.



Bottom line- the law makes light of a brutal crime and patronizes rape victims!

For students only

I recently encountered some info about an up-and-coming sex law. It is aimed at college students and administrative policies at colleges starting in California.    If the bill is passed, colleges must use the legislature’s definition of consent in their sexual assault policies or risk losing state funding for student financial aid.


“The legislation, which was introduced as a direct response to the current sexual assault crisis on college campuses, defines consent as an “affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity” every step of the way.”

   Quote from Affirmative consent’ means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity.

What ‘Affirmative Consent’ Actually Means

 A proposed bill in California that would require college students to obtain explicit consent before proceeding with a sexual encounter is sparking controversy over whether that standard can actually work in practice. The legislation, which was introduced as a direct response to the current sexual assault crisis on college campuses, defines consent as an “affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity” every step of the way. There are some concerns that’s much too broad.

 The Affirmative Consent Standard

 The Affirmative Consent Standard states that the person who initiates sexual contact must receive a VERBAL YES (affirmative consent) from the other person before engaging in any sexual activity — and that consent must be ongoing throughout the sexual encounter.

  “No Means No” Isn’t enough. We Need Affirmative Consent Laws to Curb Sexual Assault. “

End of the pro affirmative consent viewpoints


 What Recovery Farmhouse thinks of this potential Campus Law

I think Cathy Young hit the nail on the head when she said: “this approach to sexual safety is absolutely out of touch with reality.”  I ask,  what will we do carry a tape recorder during our sex or a video to prove that we got the YES YES AND YES from our adult sexual partner so we don’t get charged with rape.

Consensual sex is not the problem what these people (at are essentially trying to do is fix something that’s not broken and profit from it a-long the way.  They are totally side-stepping any real solution to forced sex.  Even worse they are making lite and emotionally minimizing  a literally deadly and serious topic as if it were some kind of fun game toy.

I overheard John Chauncey the brain storm so called “activist” behind the idea up close and personal on July 13th, 2015.  He wasn’t ashamed to say aloud so the whole room could hear that the reason he started his activist movement is mainly because he wants to be a millionaire.   Which hey, I want to be a millionaire too but I am not hiding behind some do-gooder facade that I can’t relate to at all.  Yep he wants the money and he is using the law, legislation and his new website to do just that.    He is riding on the backs of real rape victims as if he can relate to their horrible plight trivializing and insulting what deadly violent rape is really about.

Check out the t-shirts and condom kits for sale on his site.  He is not a rape victim, his hearts clearly not in the cause and if it were, I think his approach would be much different.

Just a couple possible scenarios, this pending law could be so easily manipulated to be used by the disgruntled and rejected girl-friends or the girl who willingly had sex, gets pregnant then has to prove to daddy she was raped.  No problem her sex partner didn’t bring his tape recorder with him, you got him by the gonies.   Subsequently she can very easily ruin not only her baby-daddy’s education but his up and coming career as well  thanks to this handy new law.  This is one of those rules that will be used against the innocent rather than the guilty.

This legislative ideal is immature even by recovering addicts standards and we usually have stunted our emotional maturity from the point we started our using.

The up side?

For an addict to communicate with their sexual partner is an emotional plus in the growth category.  We encourage our newcomers in AA to mutually define their relationships and to keep communication open in all relationship categories.  However, once hormones are flaring body language is more than enough.  Understanding when a man or women wants to be with us is simple body language 101 come on law-makers.  There are no clearer words than a women who pulls you closer or pushes you away.    The problem is rarely if ever truly this: “I misunderstood her body language my dad taught me that no means yes.”  Right!  Clearly even the lowest IQ can feel and understand well sexual rejection, no words are needed for that.  Even two adults who speak different languages can communicate and understand well what they are saying to each other during romance.  No dialect is needed much less a tape recorder and over-communication.

Rejection hurts and it penetrates us all the way to our soul.  We often carry it around for life.   So how is it these people think that it’s a lack of communication that is the cause of the campus rape crisis?  Really?  Oh gee judge I raped her because I mis-understood her, seriously?  Ok granted there are those that would use this defense in court but is there anyone that would believe it?  So why on earth do they see communication as a solution to rape?

The only students that would abide by this campus law would never rape a women anyway.  Its like invoking a law to announce at the bank entrance that no potential bank robbers will be permitted to carry weapons beyond the door.  And then making each law abiding citizen sign an affidavit at the door that they won’t bring weapons in.

Discipline is the only thing that a rapist understands.  Fear of being locked up and losing it all, a rapist understands that.  Security and strictly enforced rape laws will work.  This mamby-pamby affirmative consent rule will most likely end up being the most ridiculous and made-fun-of legislation since the laws forbidding Bingo games to last more than 5 hours, or the law in N. Carolina against selling one’s eyeballs.  Yep there’s one in every crowd.