Programmed from Birth To Be Addicted

Sounds like a rationalization “programmed for addiction” but it’s a truth and  realization.

In the schools by the television, by commercials, and by media they taught me who and what to be from my first innocent learning experience of a child they polluted my purity with lies.  As they polluted my ancestors before me.

They taught me that fear was shameful by words like chicken shit and pansey.

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Why Am I an Alcoholic?

Why Are Addicts in so Much Emotional Pain?
Why do addicts seem to have a proclivity towards self destruction?
Why are addicts so inclined to blame others for their own choices?
And the biggie, why do our sponsors teach us to not ask “why”?
Answer number one: THE PROBLEM

I was in so much pain that I needed to numb myself due to a life-time of hiding away my true identity. By hiding intense feelings and thoughts away my pain lived inside me till I finally was taught how to let it all out.

Continue reading “Why Am I an Alcoholic?”

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear In AA

“Don’t  Believe Everything You Hear In AA”

IS ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS A MORAL PROGRAM OR NOT?

Big Book page 45

WE THE MEMBERS…AT LEAST THE MAJORITY OF MEMBERS THAT I HAVE HEARD SHARE IN THE ROOMS TEND TO DISLIKE HAVING THEIR MORALITY POLICED OR EVEN QUESTIONED.

Big Book page 45

“Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God. Here difficulty arises with agnostics.”

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“Blame”

STEP FOUR

12 STEP SOLUTIONS

Self Esteem is tied to step four along with Fear. Low self worth breeds fear of people. Page 65 of the Big Book verify’s this.

Is blame a character defect or an emotional survival skill? How about it’s both?
Blame rears its ugly head in ways that may surprise many in the realm of recovery. Blame, accusation, and just plain critical fault finding is an unhealthy survival skill for those of us who learned how to live through a life of addiction without snuffing ourselves out because of guilt.

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A True Story of Re-Deliverance from Drug Addiction


POWERFUL! MY GOD IS POWERFUL! A SINNERS VISION

I am a delivered drug addict;(means:rescued by a Higher Power, revived, awoken, set free from obsession and a reprobate mind, put on another path.) I was as devoted to drugs as any slave could be. Finding and seeking drugs was my primary purpose and I did most every demoralizing thing a woman can do to get money and drugs. What I did to myself was traumatic and devastated my emotions, my health, and my mental condition. My first deliverance came after a horrific run of drug and alcohol abuse that stopped when I was 27. Cocaine abuse was the straw that broke the camels back. When I sobered up, I was stricken with anxiety and panic attacks; I had suffered from hepatitis B at least two times and had scars on my arms from repeatedly injecting narcotics.

Continue reading “A True Story of Re-Deliverance from Drug Addiction”

Addiction: “Manage” by Chris Joubert

Recovery Farmhouse hopes to see more stories and insight from Chris Joubert in the near future.

Chris Joubert a recovered addict shares from his up and coming book on addiction and recovery.  He speaks and writes in a grounded and emotionally sober manner.  His tone seems to exude a certain peace and serenity as he shares on topics of spirituality, and the disease concept .

“I have to mention”, says Chris,  “I had a great mentor called Pastor Sophos Nissiotis, the founder of Noupoort Christian Care Centre. His understanding of addiction is unparalleled.”

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Why Do Some Members Defensively Whitewash Alcoholics Anonymous?

Why Whitewash anything for that matter?

Definition of Whitewash:  To ignore any imperfection, shortcoming, or flaw.  To view a person, place, or thing, as flawless.

Addicts are not bad people trying to get good.  They are sick people trying to get well first and foremost.

In my interactions with various Facebook recovery groups I have noticed a pattern that emerges often in threads.  With diligence members cannot accept one tither of negative information in, about, or around their program of A.A.  And God forbid I make a remark about one of our founding fathers being wrong, making a mistake, or acting out in character defects.  Oh hell no!  The members scream from their hot keyboards as they spit and fume while rambling out their reaction to a perceived insult.

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Bible Versus about Honey

I myself believe our food effects us in more ways than we know

Here are some Bible verses related to Honey from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance – Sort By Book Order

Isaiah 7:15 – Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

Proverbs 24:13 – My son, eat thou honey, because [it is] good; and the honeycomb, [which is] sweet to thy taste:

Continue reading “Bible Versus about Honey”

Relapse Sucks

Relapse Feels Horrible
Here is a great solution for the remorse. It’s one little assignment that is tried and true…if we can just pick up a pencil and paper to do it!!!
Relapse brings up a lot of guilt and shame which sucks, however it is the perfect time to get some serious baggage off of our heart. Building self-esteem happens when we take one right action at a time. First thing, write core feelings. Write the self-loathing and the feelings of utter worthlessness you feel. Example: I feel like a failure, I hate myself for the things I have done to me and others (children especially). Write the fears associated with thoughts like: I let down my fellows, what will they think of me now? I want people to like me but now they will know I am a failure. Write all the society fears associated with relapse. Write the shame of re-entering the rooms after a relapse and what that does to your reputation and how it makes you feel. GET TO THE CORE FEELINGS THAT MOST EVERY RELAPSER FEELS UNLESS THEY ARE A SOCIOPATH or can’t get honest.

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From Recovering to Recovered

When is it Okay for an Addict to Move from “Recovering” into “Recovered”?

If we believe we are emotionally and spiritually healed and have done much work on ourselves in those areas with God’s help, and do not want to drink. We may be “recovered”  for real.  To thine own self be true.

This is the Foreword to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939

“WE, OF Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary.”

 

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Adult Children of Alcoholics can be a Place of Healing

If we are willing and honest.

Scroll to the mp3 audio below

Please enjoy the speaker meeting recording below, a testimony from Beth P. of ACOA.

There is a lot of core level work on addiction and core issue causes of addiction going on in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics a 12 step program) according to fellow and friend Beth P.
Beth is moderator and peacemaker in my favorite Facebook recovery group  “Friends of Bill and Bob” to join the fb recovery group click this link

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2247449301/

CLICK ARROW BELOW FOR AUDIO OF BETH P.

Your Own Domain Name & Website

Only $200 and $14 a month for Hosting for a real website with your domain name of choice.
Buy now and get one month free hosting. Don’t pay your $14 for two months. For questions email me at info@recoveryfarmhousecom




Are you a writer? Have a niche? Something to sell? Get your own website with your choice of domain name, developed and set up in 8 days. Value $2,000 for $200. Includes: One basic WordPress website includes developing and design, Social media icons for your readers to share your site. Favicon, Installation of your logo and header, debug setup in wp-config.php, Theme installation, backups, hosting plan for $14 a month. The free website design includes a sitemap, Wordfence antivirus, Anti-spam software, 2 weeks of tech support through FB chat, monetization of the site for an income the more visits you get the more $ you make, Image Plugin for sidebar, Search engine optimization and site verification w/Google, Bing, and other search engines, Your choice of any domain name available-included, This is a real domain “yourname.com” not a WIX or WordPress.com site that uses your content on their domain and limits what you can do with the site. They make money by charging you for extras. The only fee is the monthly hosting cost of $14 once you have paid the initial developer fee of $200.

The Insanity Prayer

Sing this song to the tune of “My favorite things” in The Sound of Music…or Mary Poppins if you like.


“The Insanity Prayer”  Words

Red legged spiders that waddle while walking.
Don’t clip my wings while I’m sitting here talking.
Fudge covered caramels of candy and creams.
Soft quilted dreams of dysfunctional things.

Rough sober drunks with opinions abounding.
Nodding in chairs while on drugs they are drowning.
Fierce, angry housewives with husbands to blame.
Waving a butcher knife, they are insane.

(Chorus)
when your friend slips, when there’s lost dreams.
When you health’s destroyed.
Simply recite the insanity prayer and then you won’t beee________ ah______noid.

Taking Viagra and drinking my prune juice.
Eating through straws wishing I had some vermouth.
Tall tainted hookers are lovely to me.
Little do they know but money they neeeeeed.

(chorus)
When I see, I’m decomposing, when I’m old and crazed.
I simply recite the insanity prayer and then I will be_____-ah-mazed.

 

Deryck Whibley on Alcohol Addiction

Deryck Whibley on Alcohol Addiction From the “People Music”

website (link here)

 

While Sum 41 fans knew frontman Deryck Whibley for his catchy punk-rock anthems and electric live shows, behind the scenes, the singer found himself battling with some serious demons — including a nearly fatal alcohol addiction.

 

Now healthy and happily remarried, the musician — who was married to Avril Lavigne before their 2009 split — opened up to PEOPLE about hitting rock bottom, his journey to sobriety and Sum 41’s new album, 13 Voices, which Whibley and the band will be touring behind through March 2017.  READ MORE HERE

 

How has the whole process of getting out there and performing changed since your recovery?

The Disease Concept is a Rationalization

If you don’t know the true reason for addiction just make up a reason and run with it.  After all, alcoholics are skilled at the art of denial and bullshit.  We fool ourselves first then we fool the world.

Let’s face it recovering alcoholics are commonly desperate for a valid cause to pin their miseries on. Sometimes in the form of co dependency and blame.  Other times in the form of playing up a tragedy that really doesn’t affect us.  We jump at the chance for a valid process of grief…seldom does anyone ever accept and validate our true grief if and when we have the balls and self honesty to find out what that is. Most recovering addicts have pushed their emotions so far away from their heart that they grasp the “disease concept” in order to validate their reason for drinking and drugging. When truth is IT’S ALL EMOTIONAL.  Very few addicts ever adapt more than the “textbook answer (Big Book)” for WHY DID YOU DRINK CORROSIVELY BROTHER?  It’s not our fault we can seldom answer this question with a true to life cause.

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“God Is Either All or [He-She-It] Is Nothing”

 

https://recoveryfarmhouse.com

I heard a women at a meeting tonight share this: “When I expressed fear my sponsor told me that God is either everything or He’s nothing.” The sponsor made a typical example of the extreme thinking, closed mindedness and lack of balance addicts often experience. Why do I disagree with the statement? Because: THERE IS A WHOLE LOTTA GOD WHO LIVES BETWEEN “ALL AND NOTHING”.

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Why does HIGH FASHION often imitate LOW-LIFE? And irritating status quo’s

Why does HIGH FASHION often imitate LOW-LIFE?  And some thought on annoying status quos.

mj-crotch-2
MJ artistically grabs crotch.
chris-brown
Who IS Chris Brown anyway?
mjcrotch
So Artistic!
20160806_185157 (2)
Heroin Addict Model Look

Captain Kirk and Numba-One are highly ashamed of the extremely low-riding ghetto shorts and the penis coddling associated with it in Earth 2016.  They are strictly tighty-whitie boys in high rise pants.  And they have that right by God!

Continue reading “Why does HIGH FASHION often imitate LOW-LIFE? And irritating status quo’s”

Although I Search Myself it’s Always Someone Else I See _______Elton John

Addicts are really good at one thing…”the game of denial”.  I blinded myself for many years.

Am I an addict?  Addiction is a symptom.  What other symptoms do I have going on that may reveal to me what my addiction was really about.

In a crowded room full of people would I be attracted to the sickest person in the room?  Have my relationships been riddled with abuse and betrayal?  Do I have a problems communicating on a respectful level when I am upset?  Do I fear my feelings because they make me intensely miserable?  Do I have a hard time sharing my fears and opening up to people?  Do I have a hard time sharing my most intimate feelings, hopes, and dreams?  Do I have ANXIETY, ANGER, DEPRESSION, LOW SELF ESTEEM?  What about mental health problems such as depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), PANIC ATTACKS, self harm, suicidal thoughts.  Or learning and earning difficulties, lower educational attainment, difficulties in communicating behavioral problems including anti-social behavior, criminal behavior?

Continue reading “Although I Search Myself it’s Always Someone Else I See _______Elton John”

I am not Responsible When Anyone Anywhere…..

The Responsibility Pledge borders on a breach in the principle that AA was built on “there are no dues or fees for AA membership”.

The pledge though well-meaning is a contradiction to our AA founding principle of no dues and especially NO HIDDEN FEES!

The advantages and core level recovery that doing service work gives us is vital for us to stay sober.  Telling our story and chairing meetings, going to jails and institutions to carry the message, sponsorship, helping others all these things carve out our very self worth and emotional healing that we desperately need in recovery.

Continue reading “I am not Responsible When Anyone Anywhere…..”

You Must have Mistook me for Someone Who Gives a Shit

Truly some people who really do give a shit have no idea or ability to show it in a Loving way.

At least that’s what I am hoping considering the actions of many people in the world today.

We have all heard the sarcastic comment that rolls off the tongues of those who want to make known to us all that they don’t care about us or anyone.  They pretend they cannot be hurt because they are emotionally bullet-proof.   I don’t know about you but I have made peace with the fact, that I am human and like to know I am cared for, liked, and loved.     Thing is, with this awareness of the vulnerable human condition of my own heart comes more unpleasant truths.

Continue reading “You Must have Mistook me for Someone Who Gives a Shit”

WHAT IS THE MESSAGE HIDDEN IN THE MESSAGE?

When I watch the news or read ads on my Facebook, twitter, ebay,  or any other media input, even when I have conversations with other people…I ask myself ;  What do they want?  What are they really saying and why?  For the last ten years since the onslaught of social media developers have been working hard for powerful people.  They have been finding and perfecting new ways to PROFILE YOU and we the people. What they are doing with this mind power is open to the highest bidder.  Money is power and the powerful want more power.   Just be aware.  Choose your battles, don’t let battles choose you.  The powerful are now armed with the ability to single out huge groups of people to react in the way they want.  These wealthy billionaires can control not only Facebook America but also Facebook Europe, Facebook Russia, Facebook, Twitter, of the entire world.  Sure people will not easily cross moral boundaries but, now it’s evident where which boundaries lie and where they don’t.  Think about what even a small percentage of mind control on global levels can do.   See mind control techniques here.

14 PROPAGANDA TECHNIQUES

Domestic Violence Is Epidemic in the U.S.& Beyond

Beyond the U.S. in many places domestic violence is not considered a crime   (see definition and info)

see original article now.

The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war.

Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men. Too many women have been held captive by domestic violence — whether through physical abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse or a combination of all three.

We are inundated with news stories about domestic violence , from athletes beating their significant others in public elevators or in their own homes to celebrities publicly abusing their girlfriends. This problem is not one that will go away quickly or quietly.

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, discussions about intimate partner abuse and its horrible repercussions should not. In an attempt to illustrate the gravity of abuse all genders (but largely women) face in the U.S., we rounded up 30 statistics on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s an insidious problem deeply rooted in our culture — and these numbers prove that.

Read the staggering statistics original article at the Huffington Post

READ MORE!

More statistics article here:

Cocaine Trauma Deliverance

I grew up in the 70s in Tampa. There was Cocaine everywhere. Long story short I became deeply addicted to injecting ether based Cocaine. After a few years and a few overdoses I ended up with the worst paranoia and fear I can imagine. I had one overdose where I died and was brought back with CPR. I literally went to death and hell and a place of bondage that I could not get out of. Thank God I was given CPR it was like clawing my way out of Hell. I did not come back easy. After that I was plagued with anxiety attacks and paralyzed with panic from my experiences with Cocaine and the things I did while using it. I ran, I got as far away from my enablers as I could. I then desperately sought God in any place people worship. I found what I was looking for by His Grace.

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Addiction & Recovery

Learning cleaver cliché’s, a new key word AA pirate vocabulary, and the ability to repress resentment and shame will never be the same as the emotional sobriety induced by doing a Higher Power directed, honest, and thorough working of the 12 steps.  However, make no mistake oftentimes it appears to be the same.  The thing is if the inside of the cup doesn’t get washed regularly (4th,10th, 11th steps) the taste will not be so sweet.  Sometimes the taste of life still ain’t so sweet even with having done all the work.  There will always be something that is hard to put into the acceptance basket of the heart.  But the fewer things we try to control the easier our day will be.  Hence….God Grant us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference.

WHY DO HUMANS WANT TO PLAY GOD?  Humans, while human will never be capable of seeing things in an absolute pure light.  Why?  There is a veil of carnality over human beings which pollute the pure view.  Looking through the eyes of Love is the pure view.  Gazing through the throngs of fear is the view marred with all sorts of grasping means for self survival according to false prides dictate.  “Oh yee of little faith!” cries our self exacerbation.  “If only our self-image could be fixed and then re-implanted in our hearts” we think to ourselves, as we quickly look around for another unsuspecting human to tag the label “bad & wrong” on.  Ohhhh if only we ourselves could see us through the eyes of Love.  If even for a moment…we could see us as God sees us, a pure lighted glow of innocence surrounded with an aura of color so soft it could only be spiritual and celestial.

Continue reading “Addiction & Recovery”

Emotional Disorder Disclaimer

Copyright Disclaimer

Recovery Farmhouse is not an Alcoholics Anonymous company and does not use A.A. Logos or trademarks that are copyrighted.  RFH is a sole proprietorship based in the United States therefore not subject to copyright laws to the extent of other countries where the Big book “Alcoholics Anonymous” is concerned.  A.A. does not hold the copyrights on certain editions of the Big Book in the U.S. and has not for a long time. (Reference.-http://www.orange-papers.org/forum/node/3620)     Any AA literature quoted

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People Are Often Bitches!

People Can Be Ruthless at Times

With no consideration for the future                                                                       or Karmic Law.  BUYER BEWARE!

So sorry to be negative but I need to vent.  My daughter and me got ripped off by an “Acceptance Now” salesman at HHGregg. Usually the deal on rental/purchase agreements are you pay in 90 days and there is little to no interest.  “Just like Cash” they advertise.  I have purchased from them before and everything went smoothly.  I paid the balance off in time and had little interest.  However that waswit a different sales person.

Continue reading “People Are Often Bitches!”

What does it mean to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT”?

WE CAN CHANGE THE WAY WE FEEL.  “MOVE A MUSCLE; CHANGE A THOUGHT.”

What this means is live your life.  Get up go to work, go to meetings, work with your sponsor, chair meetings, work the steps, take showers, eat food, exercise, have fun and all the rest of the recovery life stuff that we do as members of life and sobriety.  It means don’t let our feelings paralyze us.  Even though we may feel like we are falling from the highest building in existence we don’t let-on.  Even though we feel like a vase ready to crack we put one foot in front of the other and know that if we move a muscle we will change our thoughts.  It doesn’t mean we should repress our feelings.  On the contrary repressing intense feelings will make us sick and eventually kill us.    No we should write down and share our intense feelings courageously.  But in the midst of the greatest fears we have ever felt, we continue to help others and live our life.

WHO IS YOUR HIGHER POWER?

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOUR HIGHER POWER REALLY IS?

Third Step Prayer short version

God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and The way of life.  May I do Thy will always!

A DOOR KNOB IS NOT A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF THEREFORE IT IS NOT A “HIGHER POWER”

We want to choose a god deserving of our faith not an inanimate object that has less power than the man who installed it into the door.  Why not seek God with our heart in prayer?  Seek and we will find.  Could it be our resentment, pain, and hurt is much too deep to even consider seeking a god whom we feel is the reason we have suffered?   Or is our desire to control all things too strong in us to risk relinquishing control?   Our pain and consequences of active addiction must be more intense than our fear of the unknown and giving up control.  

In Narcotics Anonymous it has been said many times and is a popular belief that we may conjure up and name our own Higher Power.  Also members have said, if we want to use a door knob as a HP we can.   They say a door knob will work just as good as if we had one of the well-documented HP’s.  Perhaps the “Doorknob” is the official-unofficial HP of N.A.  But again, a doorknob is not a power greater than any human.

Continue reading “WHO IS YOUR HIGHER POWER?”

30 Famous Actors and Actresses Who Have Battled Drug Addiction and Alcoholism

Who says sobriety’s not fun?  (two Cougars and a Tigris!)PTDC0010

From Drugabuse.com

1. Drew Barrymore

Former child star Drew Barrymore’s drug abuse in her teenage years found her controversial fame, including two trips to rehab that motivated her to get back on track with her career.

2. Mary-Kate Olsen

Mary-Kate Olsen“Full House” actress Mary-Kate Olsen suffered with anorexia and a related cocaine addiction that led her to rehab. The Olsen twins have since designed a $55,000 pill-covered handbag.

3. Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay LohanOnce the adorable child star in the original film, The Parent Trap, Lindsay Lohan has since lost control of her life, including cocaine and alcohol abuse, DUI arrests, jail time and multiple stints in rehab.

4. Tila Tequila

tila-tequila2Bisexual reality dating star Tila Tequila is known for her publicity stunts and drug use.

5. Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton“The O.C.” star Mischa Barton has gotten more press for drug use than for acting. Her DUI and marijuana possession have kept her in the spotlight.

 

SEE THE OF THE ARTICLE HERE/FAMOUS PEOPLE’S STRUGGLE & PICTURES AT DRUG ABUSE . COM

Imagine you are in a relationship for 10 years

Imagine Your in a Relationship for 10 Years
Poll of the Week

Imagine you are in a relationship for 10 years and all is going well.
There is romance, trust and love between you both. Then all the
sudden you meet someone new and you cannot get them off your
mind. There is an unstoppable attraction that is driving you nuts.

Hammock Buddha hails from Japan and he just posed that question
in the polls. The reaction has been nothing short of extraordinary so
please visit the link above to login and kindly share your thoughts!

Find the answers to this question here…click now….

http://spiritualnetworks.com/poll/10062/you-are-in-relationship-for-10-yrs-all-is-going-well-there-is-romance-there/

 

Addicts, Alcoholics and Manipulation

THE FINE ART OF “MANIPULATION”

Most humans are skilled in the art of emotional manipulation even if we are unaware of it.  Thing is, we have learned controlling people works better through dishonest means rather than the honest approach.  Unfortunately that makes for sick relationships and a loss of Love.  And let’s face it AA and NA are full of dysfunctional relationships.  Unfortunately sick guidance is rampant in AA but it’s still one of the best ways to get sober.  That is, if you also seek God and get some empathic therapy along with it.  And absolutely read the Big Book for yourself and go to step study and same sex meetings.

One reason we do the 12 steps is so we can become aware of our character patterns both healthy and unhealthy.  Oftentimes active addicts have enablers who help us get our much desired dope and money.  We may feel reliant on enablers for something.  Therefore we often feel we must handle our enablers in a way they will react and behave as we want them to.  We are skilled in the art of getting a desired reaction from our “foe” per-say.

Continue reading “Addicts, Alcoholics and Manipulation”

“Bring Me the Horizon’s” Oli Sykes Interviews and Video

OLI SYKES: “Bollocks” to addiction’s, political correctness
Click here to SKIP COMMENTARY
I will be candid.  I never heard of this guy or his band “Bring me the Horizon’s”until today however, I like the way he thinks.  And what this title means (Bollocks) in England’s terminology is basically; “Screw addiction’s political correctness”

YES!  A man after my own heart.  He does not see addiction as a disease…for him anyway.  And even better he calls for a  “celebration of depression.”  He isn’t saying that depression is great and we should all band together and pray for more of it.  No, rather he is saying feel your feelings rather than trying to chronically fend them off and repress.  We need no longer fear our feelings but rather let them flow through us.  To do that we must accept them.  I can relate!  This theory is the foundation of healing.  Maybe that is why he doesn’t see addiction as a disease because he realizes YOU CAN HEAL AND MOVE ON.

Picture this, a large Martini glass 6ft tall, green olive, plastic sword, and lots of Vodka and Vermouth.  On the rim is me in a pink tutu, doing a balancing act.   A long balancing pole and 12 meetings a week are the only thing preventing my decent into the poignant liquid by which I would get an instant intoxication followed by a 12 hour ride to the same place I left on my sobriety date ten years ago.   SCREW THE DISEASE CONCEPT sorry folks I am not buying that pig to market.  Granted, disease is a safe concept for the first oh___say 6 or 7 years of healing but after that…if I still need 4 meetings a week then I have not learned to live the program of 12 steps and have barked I mean balked at outside help.  Please allow yourself to cry all the tears you stuffed down all those years of addiction.  Yes I am saying crying for two or three years pretty regularly, share, journal, make a God box  basically allow yourself some emotional diarrhea to heal.  Your heart is not a tough girl.

Oliver Sykes

The Interview on Video SEE HERE from APTV’s Ryan J. Downey

Musician Oli Sykes speaks about his critics- “They want you to say what’s in line with what their experience is like.  They say like, “How dare you say drug addiction is not a disease.”  I am telling you, it’s NOT, that’s what I think.  Addiction is not a disease!”  says Oli Sykes, perturbed that people are offended by his own experience.  He shared how he overcame his addiction to drugs and some people were offended because he believes addiction is NOT a disease.

Band “Bring Me the Horizon’s” Oli Sykes on Depression and Inspiration from Louis C.K.

Oliver says; “People have become so scared just to be alone with their feelings and their thoughts. And I realized that, for me, a massive part in sorting myself out was accepting what I’m feeling and just sort of letting myself experience it.  the whole album’s about the celebration of depression—not saying, ‘Yeah, it’s a good thing to be depressed,’ but that it’s better to accept depression rather than trying to block out the darkness. It’s about accepting it, accepting who you are, and accepting what life is.”

THE DAY THE SILENCE ENDS

 

It’s Time.

On October 4, 2015 in Washington, DC more than 600 organizations from around the world will gather in a show of solidarity and collective force. Together we can help the 22 million Americans with addiction, stand up for the 23 million more in recovery, and urgently act to save the 350 lives lost each day. The free event will feature live musical performances from Joe Walsh, Steven Tyler, Sheryl Crow, The Fray, Jason Isbell, Aloe Blacc, John Rzeznik and more!

https://www.facingaddiction.org/https://twitter.com/FacingAddiction?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

A Non-Theists View of AA

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE ARTICLE “The God of Coincidence.” TAKEN FROM AAagnostica website

According to the AAagnostica website most AAs believe in “a god of coincidence”  because God reveals It’s power in what seem to be coincidences yet AAs believe there are no coincidences.  Therefore when things happen just the way they are supposed to apparently God is working in our lives.

Tom P writes:       “The dominant AA creed I have found in meetings and in the Grapevine is that there is a God who is always with us, watching us, and He sometimes arranges coincidences that have good outcomes, or, if something bad happens, He allows it to happen in order to teach us important lessons, or because it leads to personal growth. ”          Yet, it seems that if members’ wish to belong to the AA club they adopt the dominant AA creed of the “God of Coincidence.” How else can you explain that otherwise intelligent and savvy people would discount the obvious explanation that coincidences are inevitable, and positive coincidences are more likely for those who are drug-free, grateful, willing, and working to overcome their selfishness. Just as members of a church accept the sect’s religious teachings in order to belong, and show this acceptance by professing their faith, members of AA seem to look for positive happenstances in their lives, and attribute them to God in order to (unconsciously of course) cement their feeling that they truly belong with AA      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Member and Author Tom P calls himself a “non-theist” What is a non-theist?

Theist: God exists.
Nontheist: Prove it.

Seems that the Atheists just want to fit in and be a part of.  But the word “God” in the steps is eating their lunch.  And so they are fighting to start a group or a ‘sect’ of AA that isn’t rittled with mentions of God and The Higher Power.

One quote from AAagnostica site is this the  Definition of “Religion”:  “The biggest lie in human history. It has been responsible for more deaths in more wars than any.”

Tom P also wrote:

“Yet, we also want people to discover and embrace their true selves, and for some of us adopting the God of Coincidence, or labeling anything as a “Higher Power,”would be a self-betrayal. I love AA, it saved my life, and I have no Higher Power.”

Tom P. is a physician who spent twenty years working in mental health. Tom sees no evidence that the universe cares whether the Earth or us homo sapiens are here or not, but he also thinks that AA demonstrates the great good humanity can do when we hold hands, unite and take some responsibility for one another.

Tom also says:

“I wish I did not have to talk-around the Higher Power issue when I am sharing in meetings, to hide a part of myself. But then again, it has not been too hard for me to do. I have had a lifetime of practice.”

From the author:

Thanks to everybody for your positive comments. While I go to AA meetings, I actually feel more at home
and nurtured in Al-Anon. Among other things, there is less crosstalk, less fundamentalism, and a better
adherence to the principle of “take what
you want and leave the rest.” I don’t know if it will work for you, but it works for me.

I admit it still stings a little whenever the God issue comes up in meetings.   I have as much a need to belong as anybody does. One has to be careful, as some AAs will prompt you to just ignore feelings like this. Thankfully, I also have Adult Children of Alcoholics, where I can accept my feelings whatever they are, and get to know my true self.

TP

Comment Next comment Chris G on September 27, 2015 at 4:11 pm said: Mostly there is some parroting of “My HP guides me…” and so on, but I don’t engage.

READ ORIGINAL ARTICLE ‘THE GOD OF COINCIDENCE”

THANK GOD FOR THE PROGRAM OF A.A.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly…all of it.  Please don’t white wash A.A.  If Alcoholics Anonymous was perfect I would not fit in.

THANK GOD FOR THE PROGRAM OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS!

I truly believe that if it were not for AA I would not be sober or sane today. This is my anniversary month and I want to express how grateful I truly am for the program. Please, Gainesville AA; gratitude is a state of mind and a feeling not an action. I will not go “gratituding” (if gratitude were an action word the ing would be correct.)   I will express my gratitude by doing some 12th step service work. Ok yes this is one of my pet peeves about Gainesville AA.    The PIRATE DICTIONARY by which they feel they can redefine parts of the English language.   Leave it to a bunch of addicts to assert the audacity to refute the scholars and masters of the English language.

However I am making a point here. In spite of all the little errors and cultish beliefs of AA members the program works. In spite of the fact that my own sponsor has stalked her boyfriend to the gates of insanity. In spite of the fact that most AAers are working hard on smoking themselves to death with cigarettes, still I salute you. And in spite of the fact that the majority of members reek of codependency the program still works!

The 12 steps are still ordained of God and set down as a solution for the sick and suffering. In spite of the fact that Bill W. spent countless years suffering from depression and engaging in infidelity.  THE PROGRAM WORKS AND IT HAS SAVED Mine AND COUNTLESS LIVES.
The question that I personally had to ask myself as I stumbled into the rooms was “What do I need and can I get it here”. That answer was yes these people obviously knew and know how to stay sober and I desperately needed that.

So, I hung in there with that character defect ridden sponsor as she took the time to spoon feed me the solutions I so desperately needed.  And I watched as she kept herself sober by the 12 Steps of AA.  And she picked up her own 10 year medallion years ago. I hung in with years of meetings and worked the 12 steps over and over year in and year out until I knew and worked recovery as a way of life. I taught others, I made suggestions and I shared in countless meetings, jails and rehabs.

I had a knack for speaking and I could present the steps like a pro. In AA you can learn and practice public speaking in front of hundreds of listeners free of charge.  I loved it!  I didn’t come to AA looking for perfection I came looking for a solution to my self destructive life patterns.

So, now as I approach my tenth year sober without a hit of crack cocaine, or a shot of heroin I still balk at the cultish dogma.   And I sometimes sneer at the non-empathic beat-downs going on between members. I look on as my brothers and sisters that I love stay sober and do a little bitching themselves about certain aspects of the program.

One of the most brilliant counselors and longtime members in the program that has helped thousands upon thousands by his knowledge and ability to characteristically share wrote a book called “The Lies Told in AA”. Does that mean that he will walk away from the program because it is now full of imperfect people? HELL NO!

We must get outside help where we can, where we fit in. People do get sober in church, I did that myself one time for several years BUT the thing is, I never really fit in there like I do in AA. Church people are very much like program people.   As a matter of fact church people appear to have that same empty black hole in their soul that they must fill with God to be OK.

We AAers have that in common with the church folks.  Best if you are trying to stay sober to go to church, AA, AND THERAPY.  Go in spite of the imperfections that are part of the human condition.

Go and get your psychic change my friend because you have earned your seat and its empty and waiting for you. So thank you AA , therapy, church and my own Higher Power for saving my life so I can engage in my own character defects, growing old, and the joys of life that sobriety has most definitely brought me.

THANK YOU ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AND GOD

WHY AN A.A. MEMBER RESENTS THE HELL OUT OF A.A.

This is not an anti A.A. website, please randomly read any article and you will see that.  However XXX Anonymous is a friend of RFH and we have allowed her to vent in an article.  If you have some helpful feedback please post it at the bottom of the article.

AN AA MEMBER WRITES “WHY I RESENT THE HELL OUT OF A.A.”

 

My name is XXX Anonymous and I am an alcoholic.  I have struggled to stay sober for years.  I have tried and tried beating myself up all along the way.  Once I got ten years sober from an intense born-again spiritual experience in a church.  Well I am still born-again and love Christ but I have relapsed 8 times since that experience.  I am not trying to compare which is better church or AA because I have learned that 2 good things are 2 good things.  They don’t cancel each other out and they are not in a race or competition.  I also learned that the 3 things people use to stay sober are spirituality in what-ever way we can get it, therapy, and AA.  I do know that health issues can keep a person sober and “relationships” sometimes work.

Resentment

I got sober this time on April 18, 2015.  I know for a fact that I have exactly 100 days sober or 3 months 9 days sober, or  0.27 years sober due to the sobriety calculator on this site.  Big deal!  I do hate myself for not having more clean time!!!!  Well this is what happened.

BETRAYAL
I got a sponsor who helped me so much that I had nearly a year sober.  I brought her to my house and introduced her to my family and husband.  Come to find out she has a lesser secondary addiction called “SEX ADDICTION“.  Which okay  I don’t judge her for that but It really hurt me that my sponsor betrayed me like that.   I did fire her and get a new one.
Condemnation from my fellows

So I worked through the betrayal and then my doctor who knows I am an addict put me on a medication for pain.  I had a bad accident and the pain was causing me to stay in bed.  When I told one or two of my friends in the program about it they told others and then the whole group knew. (another betrayal)   If that wasn’t bad enough a women confronted me when I picked up my medallion.   She said “your not sober your on the prescription drug bla bla bla”.  I had no idea that drug addicts are known to abuse the drug my doctor put me on.

FAKE PEOPLE

I get tired of so many people in meetings pretending that their lives are the picture of serenity.  They never have any problems or struggles or emotional issues.  They get sober and then all is well and perfect.  That’s not the way that it is for me.  And I don’t believe it is for them either.  I know normal people who have day to day struggles.  I know alcoholics that have day to day struggles why do they think they have to portray a perfect life?  That makes me feel lesser than.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.   And I feel like the way that I work the 12 step program must be wrong because I do have difficulties and temptations and sad days and stress and anxiety.  Yes I have good days too and lots of them sober but I didn’t join AA so I could be a social icon who everyone wishes they were because I am perfect.  ridiculous that’s why I appreciate Recovery Farmhouse because it portrays real life recovery not some fake bullshit perfect life.  Work the steps once then its happy joyous and free all the time, right?

I SOMETIMES GET RESENTMENTS SO I GOT AN “F” ON MY RECOVERY TEST/REPORT CARD

Really?  The AA club I go to acts like if you ever get a resentment then you failed your test in recovery, you got an ‘F’ on your sobriety report card.  But really in real life everybody gets pissed off at people and has to pray for them until the resentment is finally gone.  So why do so many members want to make AA a place where you can’t be honest about short-comings or you will be dis-fellowshiped or labelled as spiritually un-fit?

That’s it.  These are the reasons I resent AA at the moment.  My sponsor says you can’t get recovery while you look down your nose at it.  She says pray for everyone and do a fourth step to figure out why I am mad at myself and God.

I WON’T LET THESE THINGS PUSH ME OUT OF A.A.

I still go to meetings.  I won’t stop because it’s the best thing I can do to stay sober and work the steps.  I keep  meeting new people so eventually maybe I will find people who don’t portray perfection and the perfect life.  Because in A,A. seems there are two types of people.  Perfect people, and totally worthless people.  Right now you see my problem?  These people don’t know the definition of balance.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

I want to thank Laura Edgar for publish this article on her website.  She said that all aspects of A.A. are allowed on this website and no one will be excluded as long as they are in alignment with the “singleness of purpose” declaration which is “the only requirement for membership IS a desire to stop drinking.”  And to “carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”  Thank God that Bill and Bob knew better than to make a bunch of membership requirements.  They were the right men for the job weren’t they,

By XXX Anonymous

 

Restless, Irritable, and Discontent

It’s Normal and Common To be Sad In Recovery For No Apparent Reason

Well the common consensus in AA is if your not happy, joyous, and free then it’s your own fault.  Your obviously not working the program right or you would be ecstatic with joy at least most of the time, right?  On the contrary,  many of us are so desperate to allow some of our long repressed grief to escape that we will latch-on to any sorrowful event no matter how far removed from us it really is, just to have something “valid” in the eyes of our fellows to grieve about. Please I need to let out some of this repressed emotional pain!

Someone dies in the program and we don’t even know them much more than a distant hello, but it’s an opportunity for a “valid” expression of grief so we grab onto it with the rest of our home-group who barely knew the guy.  Hey, maybe some of the people really are sad the fellow died…but I kinda doubt it.

WE DO NOT NEED A REASON TO LET OUT OUR PAIN. THERE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A DEATH OR LOSS FOR US TO FEEL INTENSE EMOTIONAL HURT.  THE ONLY “VALID REASON” WE NEED TO EXPRESS PAIN IS, THERE ARE MANY THINGS WHILE  IN OUR ADDICTION WE SHOULD HAVE CRIED ABOUT AND DIDN’T.  THAT REPRESSED PAIN DOES NOT GO AWAY, IT NEEDS TO BE LET-OUT.  AND IF WE IDENTIFY THE CORE SOURCE OF OUR PAIN DURING THE VENTING AND EXPRESSION, THEN ALL THE BETTER FOR OUR HEALING.

In this human life there are many things to grieve over.  Sickness, disease, loneliness, emotional disorder, loss.  Please be kind to yourself.  If your heart is screaming to cry, we must not turn it to anger and criticism it does not get released or healed that way.    Rather, we have the steps to help us to be restored to emotional balance and peace of mind.

Quality emotional sobriety has many faces and sadness for no apparent reason is one of them.  Your not in recovery if you don’t feel hurt and sad or scared for no apparent reason.    Most of the people telling us we are supposed to be happy all of the time have no idea what emotional balance really looks or feels like.  Crying is a healthy emotion.  Grieving is a healthy emotion and there does not have to be a death for us to feel real grief.  Especially in recovery because many of us didn’t grieve or feel our pain while in addiction.  We stuffed it down and now that we are sober it is surfacing.  We may need to grieve when there is seemingly nothing going on except the fact that we are recovering from an emotional trauma. 

I am validating you now.  It’s OK to grieve when no one has died.  It’s OK to cry when we see no apparent reason.  We should honor our feelings.  Honor our heart when it talks to us.  We do not let our feelings rule over us or paralyze us.  but neither do we continue to ignore, deny, invalidate our own hearts cry.

HOW DO WE GRIEVE?

Healthy grieving will prevent morbid reflection because it gets the pain out.  Morbid reflection is when the negative tape won’t stop playing in our head.  Doing a fourth step on recurring memories works fabulously as does revisiting our Step 3.  “That’s right, God has my back and I am forgiven”.

To grieve, we cry, we write, we share our feelings with someone who WON’T SHUT US DOWN OR INVALIDATE OUR PAIN.  We grieve to the emphatic person who understands and won’t call our grieving a character defect like self-pity. A good cry can release many relaxing endorphin and the vital chemical dopamine.  A good cry can put our brain chemicals back on track.

Our Brain Will Heal

Don’t believe for a minute that your brain can’t be healed and create it’s own endorphin and dopamine.  I have read and heard it said but my experience is that feel good chemicals can go into over-drive in recovery.  Cut down on your smoking for a day or two and then see what happens when you do have say 4 cigarettes a day.  OMG!  Not to mention sex and orgasms are always best in early recovery from my experience.

If you don’t get the 2016 red Ford Mustang that you wanted and are throwing a hissy fit over it, well that would be self-pity.  but if you are feeling deep emotional pain and sorrow yet nothing is going on then write.  The core issues will surface.  Often when an emotional trauma from the past is surfacing we will have a recurring memory attached to the pain.  Normally we cast the thought aside but we should explore the thought instead.  Recurring memories are signalling us to do some work in that area of our past.  Were we wronged?  If it’s a memory from our childhood we should picture ourselves as a child, not as an adult who says “get over it!”  When we picture ourselves as a child then we have more understanding toward our feelings and what we may have gone through at a young age.  Then we can allow ourselves to cry over it.  We were harmed.  We were neglected emotionally.  Our parents most likely had no idea how to emotionally nurture us.  It doesn’t mean they didn’t love us dearly.

We can’t heal while we stay in defensive mode

PLEASE, THERE IS A REASON WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO NUMB OUR FEELINGS FOR YEARS ON END.  IT DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE BAD OR OUR PARENTS ARE BAD.

If we stay defensive of everything and every one we will never get to our core issues because we will be too busy trying to shoot down any semblance of guilt in us or the adults who raised us.  We cannot see clearly when we are too busy holding walls up around us which are blocking our view of truth.  Truth is our healer.  Truth is our friend.  Unlike our past, in recovery the lie becomes the enemy and truth becomes our protector.  The lie doesn’t protect us it harms us.  Character defects do not protect us from others but rather they shut out Love and Truth which are the magic gifts of recovery.  Truth and Love are spiritual gifts, they are magic.

I used to think that character defects hurt others.  That if I engaged in them it would hurt other people.  But character flaws hurt me first and foremost.

Please self-pity is not the same as valid emotion.  Self-pity is pouting over not getting our way.  I know it is so similar to authentic pain of loss that many AA’s really don’t know the difference.  But if you do the journalling you will quickly find out what is really going on with your heart.  Many times the pen is like magic.  It reveals our reasons for grief and sadness.

Lastly

Being afraid is part of the human condition and that’s why there is a “fear list” (Which most members don’t even include in their fourth step) included in the fourth step, and don’t forget your sexual inventory.  Please don’t believe the steps are only done one time and then the work is over.  A fourth step should be done every time we get a taste of misery, deep emotional pain and resentment.  AA is strong in dealing with our own faults and wrongs.  But many of us have suffered whether at the hand of a loving or a cruel adult.  So if we have no resentment attached to our pain then we write down the even, what happened, and how it made us feel.  We can use an empty chair and imagine our assailant or abuser is in that chair.  Then we tell them how they made us feel.  We can write them a letter that we need not send.  But the letter will relieve us of boxed in feelings toward the person.

After all…its hard for me to imagine a child with a healthy emotional rearing to resort to self-destruction and self-hate and loathing because of their wonderful childhood.  If you don’t know the ‘why’ you became an addict you are missing a large part of what recovery is.

Many times a simple look at our family tree will answer many questions for us.

The question “why” is the beginning of knowledge and knowledge is the primary tool linking us to wisdom.

 

Is AA Really Spiritual NOT Religious

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

– Aldous Huxley

http://aaagnostica.org/2012/05/27/the-courts-aa-and-religion/?subscribe=success#blog_subscription-2

While our pre-conceived notions are ripped to shreds by Linda R’s factual, and informative article we may take solace in the truth that our rock, AA IS A SPIRITUAL PROGRAM.   This, in spite of the high courts multiple rulings that AA is in fact a religious program.   “Spirituality” is not a contradiction of religion.  And religion does not mean non-spiritual and bad.   One thing for certain, in A.A. we choose, seek, and find our own Higher Power.  Whether it’s by our sponsor introducing God to us or by receiving a revelation and white light experience through prayer and meditation or we simply reconnect with the God of our parents we still make a choice of who our Higher Power is.   Our AA belief system is very different from dogmatic religion in that way.

However, the question has arisen in some of the highest courts of our nation whether or not A.A. is religious.  And it has come up for good reason, the separation of church and state.  Parolees do not want to be forced into a religious AA program  against their constitutional rights.  This separation of church and state is a fundamental aspect of US law, known as the Establishment Clause, and is explicated in the first amendment to the US Constitution, which states

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

By Linda R.

Inside AA, one hears members frequently repeat the well-known phrase “AA is spiritual, not religious.” AA takes pride in saying it’s not religious. But what do outsiders, such as the court systems, think about AA’s claim?

In the ten year period between 1996 and 2007, five high-level US courts — three federal circuit courts and two state supreme courts – did take a long and hard look at AA’s claim. Each of these cases involved a person who was being forced to participate in AA meetings, either as a condition of their parole or probation, or while actually incarcerated. These cases reached the highest level of judiciary scrutiny — only one level below the US Supreme Court — because they involved the critical issue of separation of Church and State. This separation is a fundamental aspect of US law, known as the Establishment Clause, and is explicated in the first amendment to the US Constitution, which states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

The parolees, probationers and inmates in each of these cases claimed that the State was using its power to force them to participate in a religious activity. They claimed that AA meetings were religious. Thus, their required attendance was a violation of the Establishment Clause, which requires governmental neutrality with respect to religion and a wall of separation between Church and State.

read more from “aaagnostica.org” by Linda R.

The Four Stages of Early Sobriety

From “The Adventures of Sober Senorita”

 

JOIN IN THE SOBER FUN LADIES!

This is not a “Recovery Farmhouse” original article.  But it’s a very interesting topic for recovery.  Pretty sure you can find the writer’s name somewhere at the link of the sober senority. https://sobersenorita.com/2015/08/20/the-4-stages-of-early-sobriety/

Lately I’ve been receiving a ton of messages and emails from my readers about early sobriety. I realize that many of us contemplate sobriety for months, or even years, before we decide to take the leap and make a change. Before we do, we want to know exactly what it’s going to be like and what’s going to happen when we get sober. I’m sure that’s why a lot of you read my blog in the first place. You want to know – is getting sober possible? Is it enjoyable? What is everyday life going to be like? Well, to briefly answer those questions, early sobriety is different from years of sobriety, as I am quickly learning at 2 years and 3.5 months sober. I think early sobriety can easily be broken down into 4 realistic stages which I will detail for you below…….READ MORE

Trust in God – Sharon’s Story about Crystal Meth Addiction Recovery

More from http://mormonchannel.org/12steps
http://www.mormonchannel.org/12steps   This is the link to all 12 of the videos that the Mormon channel has recently put out.  They are getting allot of attention in the press.  Apparently they are very down to earth real stories of real people, their bottom and their recovery from all different kinds of addiction.

Here’s the link to the really good and helpful video. FOOD FOR THOUGHT AA EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY TOM P

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We must never give up hope.  In all things give thanks.  I have been ungrateful for the things I have.  For that I repent, where does that get me other than anger and resentment.  And so once again I accept that God is in charge and I trust, trust, trust, that He, She, It, has my best interests at heart.

Frank Duffy’s Poem “DEPRESSION”

See more of Franks poems here:  FRANK DUFFY’S POEMS

DEPRESSION

I woke up with my friend depression
I went to see my therapist for a skull session
He asked me do you have any aggression
I told him aggression is not my only obsession
Without a profession its easy to get caught in any obsession
So when I am feeling blue I try to be happy and think of you
But my old friend depression is very sly
Sometimes it wont even let me try
But I am not giving up, I will not die
I will keep on going I am going to try
There is always hope if I don’t give in
As long as I don’t pick up booze and dope!
I will not die, so my old friend depression
Why do you even try

WHY PEOPLE RUN FROM A.A.

        

AA IS A PROGRAM OF ATTRACTION RATHER THAN PROMOTION

IF WE WANT TO STAY SOBER WE MUST BE WILLING TO BECOME TEACHABLE

Why would people who need help so badly run from the very program that has helped so many with the same malady? Without the ingredient of ‘desperation’ the alcoholic addict will try anything except giving up and signing over power to a sponsor and A.A.
What would keep me from being teachable?
1. FALSE PRIDE AND SHAME-, False pride tells me that if I don’t know literally EVERYTHING then I am stupid, wrong, and bad. False pride says that only the most brilliant people are qualified to teach me anything. Working the steps and getting a sponsor curtails the lies my psyche is telling me to keep me sick.
2. . TRUST ISSUES Clearly I can’t get a sponsor because everyone is out to get me. The world revolves around my belly button therefore the world wants to know my fifth step and if I get a sponsor, he will sell tickets to the opening night show. “Mickey’s Fifth Step on Parade”. Yikes! However, realize this; there are only so many deadly sins. Seven to be exact. Most people’s step five are pretty much the same…boring sex, wrath, thieving, and the like.
3. FEAR OF COMMITMENT Omg! In my past addiction I made so many appointments that I could not keep. I am now gun-shy of commitment. I use words like ‘maybe’, ‘probably’, ‘most likely’ but never ‘yes I will be there’. Commitment is hard for me because of my past failures to keep them. The good news is now I am so desperate to get sober that I WILL KEEP MY APPOINTMENTS WITH MY SPONSOR NO MATTER WHAT. In addition, by doing that I am walking through the fear and building my self-worth. I am working the good principles and that magically feeds recovery to my soul.
4. FEAR OF BEING CONTROLLED BY OTHERS I used to hand over power to my partners to make them feel good so I could get what I wanted from them. After they made my choices for me (so I would not have to fear the outcome), they would put me on a time clock. Where are you going? What time will you be back? Whom are you going with? etc., etc. After a while, I would snatch back the power I had turned over. My codependent dance partner would then suffer from intense anger and lash out at me as if I had done something terrible. Won’t a sponsor do the same thing? Won’t the same sick dance take place? Fortunately not. Sponsors know we only suggest, we do not control our sponcees. We suggest to them what worked for us. It is my choice whether I do what is suggested therefore I reap the good consequences of my new actions.
5. ‘FEAR OF RELIGION’ . Religion told me that I am bad and going to Hell. I believed it. I was young and innocent yet they told me of a place of suffering and despair. Moreover, since I was bad, spilled my milk, and made an F on my report card they said I would surely be sent to the lowest pit in the underground skyscraper called “Hell”. I cannot bear to be terrorized by religious views anymore. AA must not be religious, we are a spiritual program. Step 11 proves that we are a spiritual not religious program of choice. There is no Hell in our Big Book.
6. THE FEELING I AM GOING TO LOSE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. My addict is scared to death of not having the drugs that worked to suppress my fears and emotional pain for so long. NOW MY DOPE HAS STOPPED WORKING. I have hit a brick wall. I drank and drugged repeatedly so many times I nearly killed myself. Therefore, I walk through the fear and distrust. I muddle though the past betrayal, I walk in the rooms, shrouded in shame and I say with all my heart; I am Mickey and I want to change, I can’t go on like I am, please show and teach me how to recover.

     HERE ARE THE NINTH STEP PROMISES THAT DO COME TRUE WHEN WE WORK THE STEPS HONESTLY AND THOROUGHLY   

   THE NINTH STEP PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.  We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.  Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?  We think not.  They are being fulfilled among us____sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  They will always materialize if we work for them.

 

Read a similar article by Martha Lockie)

Tom B “Emotional Sobriety”

Tom B video on Emotional Sobriety and Recovery from Alcoholism
Published on May 28, 2013
Awesome share by one of the best AA speakers, Tom B. This is perhaps the BEST talk on the topic of “emotional sobriety” I have ever heard! MUST LISTEN! 🙂 From the book Alcoholics Anonymous: “In spite of the great increase in the size and span of this Fellowship, at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.”

Here’s the link to the really good and helpful video. Tom B AA Video

12 Steps and (the right) Therapy Go Hand In Hand

Thank God for AA and Empathic Therapy

“We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. …But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. … though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.” [Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, p. 133]

HAVING WRITTEN THAT…..

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Me and a group of recovering addicts/alcoholics had the opportunity to participate in group therapy from a brilliant ground-breaking therapist and writer in the field of “Trauma and Recovery”.   Randall Mayrovitz is employed at Meridian Healthcare, Bridgehouse Rehabilitation Center.  The  therapy took place in 2006, our little group of women are still to this day sober and very much emotionally healed.  And thanks to the 12 step program spiritually fed.  Our commonality besides addiction is we women had suffered from abuse and neglect, of different types and different extents.

Please, we all love AA and still go on the most part.  We believe deeply in the working of the steps.  However, each of us women believe in our heart of hearts that without learning what Randy taught us in group, we would not have made it.  The pain was much too deep to be healed by looking only at “our part” in matters.

Learning our own patterns of dysfunction was a large part of recovery.  But do we shut down the tears of a five year old who is black and blue from the fist of a parent?   Do we send him off with an assignment to write down his part in the abuse?  An abused child now an adult does not grown out of needing comfort, care, and an understanding and loving hand to say,  “I feel your pain, its safe to cry.”   An abused child suffers and until that child is taught a way to heal they will be sick and continue to suffer.  Outside issue you say?  Well in some ways yes.  But also for us it is the issue.  Causes and conditions, the reason we (not all) drank and drugged was to bury feelings we could not bear.  Addiction is a shame based malady with fear at the helm and anger spewing from the rudder.  If addiction were or is solely a spiritual malady then we must all have a demon dwelling in us.  For us spirituality is the remedy but the sickness is very much emotional coupled with a lack of spirituality.  In my opinion.

Randall

EMPATHIC RECOVERY STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

We come together as survivors of painful life experience seeking a place to heal our wounds.  We’ve reached a point in our recovery where interventions aimed at symptomatic relief no longer satisfy us.  We recognize the revolving door of symptom substitution and feel the weight of something deeper.

While our symptoms and circumstances may vary, the end product of our trauma is the same: frozen feelings bottled inside because it was too unsafe to feel.  It was our natural inborn impulse to express these feelings in order to heal and grow.  Their suppression has created a powerful negative energy, driving us to emotional, physical, and spiritual illness and destructive behaviors.

Through each other’s empathic support and understanding, we hope to be able to restore our life flow, the inner force that guides us toward vitality and well being, compelling us to feel our darkest pain in order to recapture our deepest pleasure.  In so doing, we will slowly render unhealthy coping mechanisms useless, giving expression to old and new feelings and healing our wounds one piece at a time.

I will be publishing more from the Empathic Healing Workbooks that we were given at Bridgehouse

The Healing Journey

Embracing The Storm

Empathic Relashionships