NINTH STEP PROMISES ARE ON PAGE 83 OF THE BIG BOOK.
FEAR OF PEOPLE WILL LEAVE US
|Fear of What People Think of Us Will Leave us. Here we go prepare yourself for a new idea contrary to AA tradition. (Not “The Traditions” more like Gainesville tradition.) You will either get angry or disagree vehemently, agree to disagree peacefully, or see my point. Either way acceptance is the key to finding peace when in disagreement. I do care what others think of me and don’t pretend not to. Seriously…I am not sure that being apathetic or indifferent to what people think is a healthy social quality. Really I care what my partner thinks of me, my family, and my loved ones. I do GET that it is a social rule in AA to not care however I think something got lost in the translation. Meaning there is a HUGE difference between “Care” & “Fear”. Lumping myself in with sociopaths who truly don’t have any “care” of what others think (but they are good at pretending they do) is contrary to healthy social conscience. In regard to, “fear of people will leave us.” One of the Ninth step promises. It is the FEAR of what people think that actually creates problems and is unhealthy. If nobody cared about what others thought of them…hmmm wonder what the world would really be like. Social concern is a part of our conscience and keeps us humans in check. Care and Love are often synonymous.
Lack of care for what others think of me does not make me strong or a better person. Really! Its the ego in defense of a mans own low self-worth that screams from the roof tops “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!” When in all truth we would not be screaming it and harping on it if there weren’t an underlying fear of what people are thinking. When we have no fear of what others think of us we have no reason to shout from the roof tops that we don’t care what they think. Simple self-awareness tells me that. I know what it is to fear people and what they think…I know it well. I know how it feels to fear what people think of me and to fear yet be myself, yet state my views and show you who I am anyway and walk through that fear.
Put in a different light I had to harden my heart to survive addiction. I had to harden my heart to survive abuse. I had to make myself not care and put on a social armor of being tuff to survive my very sick past. Now I have found to let Love in I need to let down the armor of protection that shut it out. It is totally understandable to adhere to the principle of not caring. But I no longer live by that rule, I am not a tuff girl, I have emotions, feelings and can be hurt. I care and it is good it is part of life. I now have a way to process my pain when and if it crops up so I don’t need the shield of not caring.
Higher Power softens the heart, cleanses it, and makes it truly strong. Love is the strongest power that exists, Love and care are synonymous.